Dumb Assery

Ugh. Ever have one of those weeks where you manage to irritate yourself every single day? I'm finding myself to be a huge pile of social faux pas' and would like to take a vacation from being me. It's nothing huge, but the mistakes have been the sort that fester around in my brain.

So what did I do to make me feel like such a dumbass? Well, let me share with you...

1. When we came through security at the airport, my pump bag was flagged for inspection. As the security guy started to look through the bag, I noticed that my sunglasses were in the gray plastic tub along with the pump. Without thinking, I reached forward to grab them, since I figured he wouldn't need to inspect them. The man quickly barked, "Don't touch that!" and even Husband gave me a look. Were I an easy-peasy sort of person, this would have been nothing. But since I'm more of the neurotic sort, I felt all horrible and gross from getting yelled at by airport security.

2. My dear friend Holly lives in China and I decided to call her this weekend to catch up. I thought I remembered that China was 12.5 hours later than Minnesota so I called her on Sunday morning thinking it was the evening there. Time change calculation FAIL. I ended up waking her up as it was after midnight in China. Gah. Am I not capable of googling to make sure I have the times right? In any case, Husband has put Beijing time into his iPhone to prevent me from booty calling Holly again.

3. Today I was hanging out with my friend Sonja and her 5-month old baby. I asked her if her baby was rolling over yet. YES! ME! ASKED SOMEONE IF THEIR BABY WAS ROLLING OVER YET! After writing a whole post about how it made me so uncomfortable when someone else did that to me, I go and do it myself. I truly asked it out of a place of curiosity about her adorable baby, but still. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Yes, yes. I know that none of these things are that big of a deal, but I don't like feeling icky in my own skin. I wish I could be like Husband and not let my little mistakes bother me, but alas, it seems to be my brain's destiny to want to ruminate. I hope, hope, hope Bella takes after her father in that regard.

So, yeah, that's why I'm a dumbass. Want to make me feel better and tell me why you're a dumbass? Like maybe you accidentally called your mother-in-law old over Thanksgiving? Or maybe you want to tell me about the time you overflowed a toilet at a friend's house? Or what about telling me that you once asked a pregnant lady when she was due, only to find out that she wasn't pregnant? I would so much rather my brain spend time chuckling over your social faux pas, rather cringing at the memory of my own...

Oh yeah, I have a blog

Interesting how each day that passes without me posting makes me feel less inclined to sit down and write a new post. Same with exercise. So this post will be short and sweet, just to get me back into the swing of things.

We returned from Florida on Friday and Bella had another great plane ride. Luckily, my baby loves strangers so she was easily entertained by getting to look at all the passengers. I breastfed her on the way up and down both times so there were no problems with her ears. Whew. I'm glad to have that experience under my belt - it makes me look forward to our trip to California in February (tagging along on Husband's business trip).

Bella loved spending time with her grandparents, aunt, and cousin. She also managed to sleep better in Florida than she ever does here in Minnesota. I'm chalking it up to a combination of lots of time outdoors and plenty of social interaction. I'll try my best to replicate it here this winter, but outdoor time will be more like one hour tops instead of eight. And as far as social interaction, Husband and I might be all there is some days. Winter...BOO.

And there you have it: short and sweet.

PS - I just re-read this and, good lord, am I boring sometimes. I'll do better next time, promise.

Walk 3.5 Miles in My Shoes: Sanibel Island Edition

The original Walk 3.5 Miles in My Shoes post here.

It's great being in Florida. We are spending the week on Sanibel Island, after staying with Husband's parents for one night in Fort Myers. While I'm not particularly in love with Florida (a little too strip-mall-and-medical-clinic infested for my taste), I do like Sanibel. It's an interesting little island where they are adamant about preserving the natural ecology. Very little light is allowed at night and there are no street lights at all to prevent confusing the baby sea turtles (they follow the light of the moon toward the water). The shores are not cleaned of the natural debris (such as sea cucumbers and dead fish) that washes up on shore; again, this is to preserve the natural habitats of the sea & shore creatures. Also, there is no advertising, so even places like Subway and 7-Eleven are only allowed a small sign outside their stores. All in all, a nice place to vacation.

This morning, after Bella woke at 6:50 AM, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful scenery and set out for a long walk. Our adventure in pictures...

Jellyfish

There were a frightening number of these along the shore and not all of them were clear this this one - many were a terrible booger color. I managed to step on two jellyfish on our walk and the experience was perhaps worse than the time I stepped on a dead bird. (Yes, I stepped on a dead bird on the sidewalk once while wearing flip-flops. It made a dog-toy type of squeak. Absolutely traumatizing.)

Chicken became hungry during the walk so we stopped so I could feed her. Somehow I feel far more comfortable nursing in public in Florida. The whole swimsuit thing certainly makes it easier, anyway.

Bella fell asleep soon after eating.

There were lots of interesting birds on our journey...




And then we saw a few dolphin (!!!) swimming in the water. One swam particularly close to the shore. I could handle living in Florida if I got to see dolphin on my walk each morning.

The Sanibel Lighthouse

And, finally, Bella was checking out all the shells on the beach, as Sanibel is known for it's shells.

Speaking of shells, should you ever get the Trivial Pursuit question about the "Sanibel Stoop", you will now know that it refers to people stooping over to pick up/look at shells on the shores of Sanibel. There. Now you're all educated.

We're here the rest of the week, so more pictures will be coming!

Judgy McJudgerson Learns a Lesson

We arrived in Florida on Thursday morning after an easy flight with Bella (more on this later) and immediately started to bask in the sunshine. We decided to get into the pool shortly after getting to Husband's parents house, but this meant I had to wear the ill-fitting bikini. After putting it on and lamenting about the predicament I got myself into, my sister-in-law took a quick look at me and agreed that I was pushing it in terms of being appropriate. For my sister-in-law to call it inappropriate meant that it was definitely inappropriate. Husband, on the other hand, couldn't see what the problem was. [Insert obligatory "Men!" comment here.]

I told my mother-in-law that I needed to get a new swimsuit and asked if there was anywhere close by that I could find something. She said there was a great discount place near their home, so I got myself some directions, grabbed my wallet, and went to the store.

People. This was no ordinary store. It was next to a Big Lots and was essentially the clothing & random decor equivalent to Big Lots. Have you ever been to a Big Lots? It's Target gone scary. It's hard to articulate, but there is just something off about it. It gives me the same feeling that I get when I see a clown or a mime.

Anyway, immediately upon entering the discount store, there are several 3 feet tall dolls with wonky eyes staring at me. Creeeepy. Then as I head back to the swimsuits I pass the men's underwear section where a Playgirl-brand frilly black banana hammock sits on a rack. SERIOUSLY. Banana hammock.

I get to the swimsuits and I'm already feeling nervous. I start searching through the rack and it's a whole bunch of unfortunate suits. Nothing truly awful, but nothing good. My heart sinks as I realize that my chances of finding a swimsuit at this store were close to none and coming home empty handed would make me look like I was too good for a discount store. Then I found a tankini top that looked promising. I had to search through all the other sizes to find a matching bottom piece, but I eventually located one. Lucky for me, the top was a larger size than the bottom, which my top-heavy self requires these days. Shockingly, the suit fit and I breathed a sigh of relief: both for being able to not look hoity-toity to the MIL and also to prevent indecent exposure on the beach.

I went up to pay for the $29.99 suit and the checker rang it up and announced, "That will be $1.59".

Hu-what? Yes, people. I'm serious. Turns out the suit was on clearance and was 95% off. I didn't know such a thing as 95% off even existed. So for a couple bucks I solved the Swimsuit Saga of '09.

And now, against my better judgement, I'm posting a picture so you can see that it really was a good deal.


We're off to the beach!

At least Bella will have 3 properly fitting swimsuits...

So I just tried on my swimsuits. All of them. And when I say all of them, I mean ALL OF THEM, including the tank suit I bought at Target just before a trip to France in 1998 and the 2003 tankini that disintegrated in my hands when I pulled it out of the drawer. And out of the 8 or so swimsuits in my drawer, exactly one bikini fits. And when I say "fits", I mean that I won't get arrested for public indecency, although it's pushing it. Exposed underboob is hot, right? And perfect for a trip with the in-laws and a 9-year-old nephew!

Shit. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.

We leave tomorrow bright and early and there are no swimsuits to be had at Target or Kohl's here. I suppose I could go out to a mall, but there really isn't time. Looks like I'll be buying a last minute swimsuit at Walmart (GAH) down in Florida. And you know it's going to be some sort of crazy looking thing, perhaps in a camouflage print or a neon green color. Pictures are likely to follow.

Bits and Pieces

• Bella's sleeping is going much, MUCH better. After the last sleep drama post, we decided to ease up on allowing any crying until after our trip. This resulted in her being awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night. She wasn't upset or crying - she just couldn't get herself to sleep in my arms, on Husband's chest, in the swing, or in the bed next to me. When I finally laid her down in her crib, she cried for a couple minutes and was out. Lesson learned. We have let her cry a few minutes when she wakes up in the middle of the night the last few nights and she has been putting herself back to sleep pretty quickly. Last night she slept a glorious 8.5 hour stretch without a peep. I was able to sleep for 5 of those hours without waking up, which was unprecedented for 2009.

• I'm making a packing list for our trip (using this and this as a guide) and I'm pretty sure I will need one of those small U-Haul trailers to fit it all. Sun Country will only charge me $20 to check that, right?

• I'm troubled by the word "bits" in the title of this post.

• My friend Lindsey just got two little kittens and I bought -LINDSEY, LOOK AWAY - a package of three furry mice to give to them. My blind cat, Stevie, somehow managed to find the package (despite it being in a plastic bag hanging from a doorknob) and stole one of the mice and promptly chewed it up and ate the tail. These mice did not have cat-nip on them. Sometimes I really think he isn't blind at all and it's all an elaborate ploy, complete with "fake" running into walls and crashing into objects when jumping off things. And for the record, he was Stevie before he was blind/fake-blind.

• Today is Husband's birthday and he is 36 years old. I bought him a pony.

Promises

Do you guys remember how there was a treadmill in the baby's nursery? If you need to refresh your memory, click to see pictures of the nursery here. Anyway, now that Bella is sleeping and napping in her nursery, it means that the times to use the treadmill are few and far between. So I have been begging Husband for weeks to move the treadmill back into our bedroom so that we could be able to exercise during her naps and after she goes to bed at night. Husband was being Grumpy McPissertons about this, because less than two years ago I begged him to move the treadmill OUT of our bedroom. He finally agreed to do it, as long as I promised I would never ask to move it again as long as we live here. He wanted it in writing.

[Husband's comment: Keep in mind that I had already moved this treadmill twice before and now I was moving it back to the exact location that I had moved it from. That kind of stuff just doesn't jive with being efficient, now does it? Having it in writing is just good business sense ;)]

So, we spent a couple hours taking the treadmill apart and moving it to the nursery. [Husband's comment: We? Hmph.] After all that manual labor, we were super hungry. [Husband's comment: Yes, WE were.] We decided to get Chipotle to reward ourselves. Normally, we order a burrito bowl and chips and split it. Husband was certain he wanted an entire burrito bowl for himself. I reminded him of the folly of this notion and how eating the full burrito bowl has never ended well in the past. A stomach is only designed to hold so much food. He insisted. And then whined the whole night about being too full. And he also may have been more, uh, flatulent than usual. [Husband's comment: TMI, even for a TMI-happy person. Want to talk flatulence? How about, um, months one through nine of your pregnancy?] [Laura's comment: Touché, Husband, touché.]

In the end, I wasn't the only one putting a promise in writing.

Sleep Issues...an Encore

**First of all, congratulations to TelegaWoman for winning the 3-D Fruit Puzzle Giveaway!**

Today the mothership is sinking. Sleep issues have gone from horrific to better-ish and now back to bad. At her best, Bella was waking 2 times between 7 pm and 6 am (one of those feedings was planned). That lasted for about two days. The last time she woke was usually around 4:30 am and I got in the habit of bringing her into bed with me for the last stretch of sleep. In the last couple weeks, however, she has begun to wake up again a little more frequently at night. I fear it was due to bringing her into bed at 4:30 am. With the added night wakings, I let her try to cry/fuss it out, using the plan detailed in The Sleepeasy Solution, but she cried for two hours in the middle of the night last weekend. TWO HOURS.

Husband was awake for that particular stretch and he said he couldn't take it; there has to be a limit. Yes, Husband, welcome to my world where each time she cries I want to rip my hair out and let loose a primal scream. It goes against every fiber of my being to let her cry. I hate it. It kills me. I went to her that night after two hours. Who knows how long it would have gone on? Nothing in particular seemed the matter - she breastfed for a couple minutes and was out.

Since that night, we have been more lax about letting her cry or fuss during the night, mainly because we won't be allowing any crying on our trip to Florida next week (at least not the first couple nights). Then came the confounding factor of Bella finally rolling over (both ways) and major milestones can cause night wakings. Suddenly it seems she has rapidly regressed back to the bad old days of waking many times in the night. Now I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. It doesn't make sense to do really strict cry-it-out sleep training for a week and then have it be interrupted by our trip, but the thought of terrible sleep for myself and Bella for a week seems like a really bad idea, too. When the night wakings go above three times a night, I begin to feel broken and near tears for much of the day. Sleep deprivation feels a lot like depression or at least a terrible case of the blues for me.

I continue to hold out this ridiculous hope that her sleep issues will magically disappear one day soon and I can then thoroughly enjoy her around the clock. In reality, I think this is just how it is with her and I need to accept that a baby like Bella requires some sleep training, whether I like it or not. I'm ashamed at how jealous I am of all my friends, whose babies are generally good sleepers. How did I end up with a such a chaotic sleeper?

Actually, I think I know how I ended up with a not-so-good sleeper. My parents say I didn't sleep through the night until I was over a year old. In the wise words of Justin Timberlake, "What goes around, comes around". Karma's a bitch, yo.

Advanced Raspberry Blowing

Was it just a week ago that I talked about Bella learning to blow raspberries? Because with how skilled she has become, it seems as though she mastered this trick months ago.

Here is a 20-second snippet of her advanced raspberry blowing ability.


While you are just seeing a mere 20 seconds, you should know that she will keep this up for hours and now spends most of her days making tooting noises. I kid you not, she does it ALL THE TIME. This includes while breastfeeding (just call me the human trumpet) and also right after spitting up, sending out a delicate spray of partially regurgitated milk.

I can only hope she keeps this up and does it on the plane next week, causing passengers around us to wonder what exactly is going on in seats 6-A and 6-B.

3-D Fruit Puzzle Giveaway

[Disclaimer: Just so you don't think there's any funny business - I'm not receiving any compensation for posting this. I just thought it would be fun to do a giveaway.]

People! I have something fun for you. Or really, fun for the wee one in your life. The nice folks at CSNBaby offered to donate this fabulous 3-D Fruit Puzzle to one of you lovely readers.
How fun does this look? A fruit puzzle! It warms my dietitian heart. As a bonus, it is made with PVC-free plastic so if when your child gnaws on the plastic fruit there won't be any risk of them ingesting nasty chemicals. I plan to get one for myself as I've been having food model withdrawal since leaving my nutrition career in May. I suppose I can share it with the baby, too.

Now, I have to be honest here - CSN approached me about doing this giveaway and I only agreed to it after I could see they were a reputable and useful company. But however I learned about them, I'm glad I now know about CSNBaby. I've been looking to buy more toys for Bella, but was completely overwhelmed and not terribly impressed by the selection at Babies R Us and Target. This online store allows you to search toys by all sorts of criteria - cost, construction materials, and age, to name a few. They also sell just about everything else you would need for a baby, including nursery furniture. It caused me great pain to see that the Dutailier glider we purchased at a local retailer is being sold at a much, MUCH lower price through CSNBaby. So learn from my mistake and check this website out and save some money.

If you would like to enter to win the 3-D fruit puzzle, all you have to do is leave a comment. You can say anything in the comment, but here are some topics for those that feel twitchy about free-form commenting:

• Your least favorite word
  
• Biggest pet peeve
• What you ate for lunch

Feel free to link to this post on your own blog so that your readers can enter. The more, the merrier, I say! The contest is open to US and Canadian readers and will end at noon (CST) on Friday, November 13. The winner will be selected using a random number generator. Good luck!

Germy

When I was young, around 5 or 6, I felt really terrible for the two boys named Jeremy in our grade. You see, I thought their names were, in fact, Germy. How awful to be named Germy! What were their parents thinking? Might as well have named them Dirt or Garbage or Toilet.

Even now, I have trouble pronouncing Jer-e-my correctly. I want to say Germy. The same way I call my sister Val-ry, instead of Val-er-ie. These things get ingrained.

So anyway, yeah, germs. Prepare yourself for another H1N1 post from a mommy blogger.

I'm trying to walk the fine line between prevention and paranoia when it comes to protecting myself and my little family from getting sick this fall and winter. Not going to lie, H1N1 scares the bejesus out of me. Babies can and have died from it. I can't ignore that. On the other hand, I also can't completely put our lives on hold until this epidemic has passed. But what is sensible prevention and when does it cross the line to paranoia?

For example, are the following things that I'm doing/plan on doing prevention or paranoia?

• Avoiding most playgroups or baby classes with multiple babies/children this winter
• Planning to wipe down all wipe-able surfaces with disinfecting wipes on the plane (I'll do this as subtly as possible, of course)
• Asking family members & friends to wash their hands or use hand sanitizer prior to holding the baby

I can tell you that I have already failed at doing the last one consistently. Husband and I always intend to do it, but it's so damn awkward at social gatherings. I don't want to look like a crazy, but I also desperately want to avoid having Bella get sick.

One thing that makes me feel better is that Husband and I received both the regular flu shot and the H1N1 [Husband's comment: intra-nasal] vaccine (Bella is too young for either). I had to aggressively pursue the H1N1 vaccine, especially since I couldn't get one through our pediatrician, regular doctor, or midwife/ob-gyn clinic. In spite of being in the highest priority group for people getting the vaccine, as we have an infant under 6 months, it was quite the feat to get it.

How are all you parents & preggies handling things this winter? I'm especially curious to hear what other stay-at-home moms are doing, since we are much more able to opt out of certain situations. Are you cutting down on play groups and social gatherings with children? Just living your life as if nothing has changed? Or maybe you are even crazier than me and have been wearing a face mask in public whilst shooting Purell on everything from a spray bottle and shouting, "Cover your cough, assholes!" If you are crazier than me, kindly let me know. I love it when other people's crazy makes my crazy look positively normal.

5 Things About Me: Music Edition

Get ready to judge me...

1. I regularly listen to light rock and country music. I know. I know, alright? This was almost as hard to admit as the whole pooping during labor thing. But here's the deal: I like music I can sing along to. And think about country music - Garth, Reba, Dolly, Carrie Underwood, Rascal Flatts, Jodee Messina - so very sing-able. Then with light rock I can regularly rock out to Journey, old school Mariah Carey, and Bonnie Raitt. Now my secret love of these music genres doesn't mean I like ALL the music on these stations. Oh, hell no. (I'm looking at you James Taylor.) But the good outweighs the bad for me, so I sing on. That's the power of love (Celine Dion; light rock station). And just so you know - if I have ever given you a ride somewhere, chances are I changed the station before you got in so I wouldn't be found out.

2. I have already started listening to Christmas music this year. See point #1 and the reference to SING-ABLE. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la laaa.

3. I took piano lessons for 8 years, viola lessons for 5 years, flute lessons for 3 years, and was in the school choir for 3 years in high school in addition to doing all the school musicals. I have no need to ever pick up a viola or flute again, but I would love a piano and would be all about joining a choir.

4. My voice isn't particularly pretty, but I have good pitch and can sing really high soprano notes. That time you heard that girl in the karaoke bar singing the uber high notes in Lion Sleeps Tonight? Yeah, that was me.

5. In spite of my nonsense love of light rock & country, my favorite band is Guster. Go figure.

Sometimes I Scare Myself

Two things:

1. I have so many terms of endearment for Bella: Chicken, Baby, Darling, Little One...the list goes on and on. Cute names just slip out willy-nilly as I interact with her. Then today, when I was adjusting her blanket in her stroller and cooing at her, I lovingly called her a dingleberry. I CALLED MY CHILD A DINGLEBERRY. I suppose it has a certain happy connotation in a jingle bells meets berries kind of way that might have cause the neuronal mishap in my brain, but still. I called my baby a dingleberry. That's just not right, yo.

2. I want this:It's called a NoseFrida and it allows you to suck snot out of your child's nose, just like this:


Oops, sorry. I should have provided a handy paper bag for you to vomit in, just like the airlines. The NoseFrida (what a name) is so gross, so wrong, and yet...so functional. Have you tried those nasal aspirator bulbs for babies? They suck! Except, what I mean is that they don't suck. They suck at sucking! Bella hasn't had a bad cold yet, but this would be nice to have on hand when she does eventually get sick. I should tell you it looks scarier than it is - you don't actually ingest your child's snot (GAG). However, actual ingestion of snot or not, I can't help but ask myself, "Who am I?"

An Important First Step in Learning to Make Fart Noises

One of the development books I have talks about "blowing raspberries" as being a developmental milestone. When I read that, I was all, "What? Blowing raspberries? What kind of creepy nonsense is that?" While the rest of you might be familiar with this term, I wasn't sure what they were talking about. Plus, blowing raspberries sounds...well, pervy, doesn't it? Not something that is appropriate for a wee baby, anyway.

Eventually I figured out that this blowing raspberries business is basically when you push air through your closed lips, making a toot noise. [Are you unconsciously doing it right now? Fascinating how that works, hm?] I'd been waiting to see if Bella would partake in this milestone or if she would opt to skip it, since it is rather uncouth. Then one day, when we were getting her dressed in her pajamas at bedtime, she gave us a look that can only be described as pissy and did it. My child blew raspberries in irritation and it was just plain awesome. My favorite milestone so far.

She was doing it again last night and we caught it on tape. Husband is helping her to perfect the art of raspberry blowing (still feeling violently opposed to calling it blowing raspberries, but am unable to come up with a suitable alternative). I suspect this video might be one of those things that is only super adorable and amazing to me, being the mother and creator of the raspberry blower. The rest of you might watch it and say, "Meh." Either way, see for yourself. If anything, the video is worth watching to see just how special Husband looks when he provides instruction on blowing raspberries.

Blowing Raspberries from Bella's Mama on Vimeo.

Going Arizona

So! Daylight savings time? No longer any good. Actually, I'm pretty sure daylight savings has been no good to most of us for decades now. And is it even helpful for farmers? How does darkness at 4:30 pm in the middle of the winter benefit anyone? HOW?

Anyway, I digress. So daylight savings time is now so very irritating with a little one. Bella woke up at 5:20 AM this morning. Granted, it felt like 6:20, but this is no good. Where was the blissful extra hour of sleep of years past? Gone. I BLAME UNPROTECTED SEX.

The other problem with daylight savings time is that I cannot wrap my head around what time it is and/or what time it feels like it is. I'm a smart women who has a couple of glaring areas of stupidity: clock reading/time telling and animals. Read all about my previous shameful animal mistakes and who I feel caused my stupidity here.

Today Husband and I discussed what our plan would be for (1) adjusting Chicken to daylight savings time and then (2) adjusting Chicken to Eastern Standard Time for our week in Florida later this month. Since we would be adjusting her forward only to have to adjust her back (or is it the opposite?...so confused), we decided just to go Arizona and ignore daylight savings time until we return from our trip. This means there will be lots of 5:20 AM wake up calls in my near future. Maybe I should contact HR about the hours this job has me keeping?

Speaking of clock & animal skills, my animal knowledge was surely tested today at the park. I think I've arrived at the correct answer: DUCKS!

Right? Right??