The Curious Case of the Missing Billy Joel CD

Alternative Title: A Love Story - Electronic-Style

Late October 2004: On my second date with Husband, we were driving down a street in Uptown, near my apartment. I remember the moment when he turned to me and said, "Want to go away for the weekend?" Second date, people! Interestingly, I wasn't creeped out, just intrigued, so I said yes. We looked at some places and decided on a super posh log cabin, 6.5 hours north of the city.

[Husband's comment: I'm like Wrangler jeans you know what I mean? I'm one tough customer and I know what I like when I see it...Wrangler.]

[Laura's response: WHAT? WHAT? Oh, I get it now. You are so old.]

November 2004: Husband and I are dating, but have not told people at work. We do not work together directly as we are each with a different lab, but do see each other in the break room. Our co-workers get suspicious when we are both going out of town the same weekend to the same place. The gig is up.

Early December 2004: On the drive up to our cabin, we stop in Duluth for lunch. I remember the giddy feeling - not only because we were on vacation, but we were on vacation together. We ate at Grandma's Saloon and then stopped by Electric Fetus (the terribly named music store) for some tunes to get us through the next four hours of the drive. We decided on Billy Joel's Greatest Hits. We sang it the rest of the journey up and I remember thinking that the song For the Longest Time was just perfect for the occasion. We have a fabulous weekend together and are firmly in love, even if it hasn't been said out loud or consciously thought quite yet.

Early January 2006: **WARNING: Living in Sin Alert** Husband and I moved into our townhome on a snowy winter's day. This is my first time living with a boy (but Husband's second time living with a girl - DOUBLE SINNER!), so the process is a bit weird when it comes to putting away our stuff. In the end, we unpack as best we can and then have to switch gears and prepare for our trip to India that will take place two weeks later.

February 2006: "Where's that Billy Joel CD?"

April 2006: "Hey, do you have that Billy Joel CD? It's not in my car, I checked everywhere..."

Summer 2006: Laura searches through every single CD in her & Husband's collection. Hm...

September 2006: The Great Bed Bug Incident of 2006. I can't talk about it. Maybe I will never be able to talk about it. It was, and remains, just too, too traumatic. However, during the dealing with the bed bugs, our house was turned upside down and every nook and cranny had to be cleaned. Billy Joel remained missing.

2007: Billy, where are you???? Gone. You must be gone. Husband notices other CDs are missing, but can't remember if he actually bought them. He feels crazy.

[Husband's comment: I rarely, rarely lose something that I want to keep. For instance, today as I was cleaning out my t-shirt drawer I noted how I still have two t-shirts, circa 1989 and 1992. They're my favorite and are super soft and amazingly have very little wear despite 1000s of wearings/washings and oddly enough neither has a seam on the sides. How is that? Can someone explain? It's just a very comfortable tube shirt, kinda...now I feel odd.]

[Laura's response: For the love of all things tangential. Tube shirts? Wha?]

[Husband's response: It's stream of consciousness. It made William S. Burroughs famous.]

2008: A life without Billy Joel in Husband's car is a difficult one. We are forced to listen to Husband's terrible car music until I give him a CD with dance songs that I'd made for a party. Unbeknownst to me, he listens to it everyday for the next few months and shocks me with this one day.

2009: Billy is forgotten. We have moved on.

February 2010: Husband and I are watching a DVD on a Friday night when, right at the end of the movie, the DVD player coughs and sputters and dies.

[Husband's comment: This DVD player was a present, more like a purchase to assuage guilt, by a former lover of Laura's: name to be withheld. I thought about calling him and asking if he'd be willing to replace it now, since it was broken. This has been a running joke since day one of our dating.]

[Laura's response: Yeah, kinda funny about that DVD player. Dude gave it to me all awkward - it wasn't wrapped - for my birthday and then soon after was out of my life. To be fair, though, it can be hard to find the perfect present that says, "I'm cheating on you and about to dump you." In the end, it was awesome as Husband and I have thoroughly enjoyed it for our entire relationship.]

[Husband's response: Yeah, got about as much use as those two t-shirts I mentioned. We watch a lot of movies.]

Today: Husband tries to fix the DVD player, but it's really broken. We decide to toss it and I remember the broken VCR that we've been hanging on to, so I add that to the trash pile. Then I decide to pull out all the VHS tapes to give away, since we won't have any way to watch them anymore.

And then I see a stack of CDs, shoved in the back of the drawer. I flip through the stack quickly and there, in the middle of the stack, lies Billy. Turns out he was with us this whole time. And it turns out Husband isn't crazy and he actually did buy those other CDs.

I grab Billy, bring it upstairs where Husband is playing with Bella, and put it in the CD player. After a brief, but loving squabble about who was to blame for the lost CDs, I hit play and Piano Man starts. I pick up a squealing, happy baby and dance with her, while Husband watches us with a smile. We haven't heard this song for the longest time.

Tetris Eye, Among Other Things

Carolyn kindly nominated me for a Beautiful Blogger Award.


I don't know what it means, really (am I beautiful? my blog? my words? my insides?), but it doesn't matter because HUZZAH it's an award. Speaking of beautiful, click over to Carolyn's blog and check out her family. PRETTY!

OK, down to business. For this award I am to write 7 interesting facts about myself and then nominate 7 others. Perhaps the number 7 is beautiful to the originator of this award? Just a guess. Here are things that are mildly interesting about me.

1. During my last year of college, my roommate brought her old Nintendo (the kind that required blowing on the games to make them work) from her parent's house to our apartment. Having never had a Nintendo of our own growing up (cruel, cruel parents), I became a little obsessed. I played Tetris so much that I developed a serious case of Tetris-eye, which basically meant that my eye started twitching all the time. Also? I'm now really, really, ridiculously good at Tetris.

2. I studied abroad in London with the boy from the show The Nanny with Fran Drescher. I remember spending time in Paris with him during a weekend trip. That last sentence makes it sound a bit bow chicka wow wow, but, uh, no. None of that.

3. I am a dessert-aholic. I eat some sort of nice decadent dessert every single night. Sometimes I eat dessert twice a day. Three times a day on occasion while I was pregnant (How did I gain 53 lbs during pregnancy? Such a mystery!). It's a little ridiculous and I didn't let myself have dessert for two days this past week, just to see if I could do it. I successfully abstained, so now I feel like I'm not truly addicted in a dangerous type of way. Thus, I'm back to my dessert a day habit. And, yeah, I am a registered dietitian.

4. Whenever I hear that new Justin Timberlake & Timbaland song Carry Out (LOVE), I immediately envision myself at a dance club and I mentally try to come up with fabulous dance moves. Because, you know, I'm always hitting the dance clubs these days in my slut-wear and I need to be fly, baby.

5. A couple years ago I ran into a girl (well, woman now) from my junior high & high school days at Target. Back in 1992, this girl had invited nearly the entire 7th grade class to her birthday party. I was not invited. I remember refusing to make any plans for that Friday, right up until the last minute, in hopes I would be invited. It didn't happen and it was very traumatic at the time. I can remember the look of distress on my Mom's face when I was so upset over it. Anyway, when I ran into that girl at Target two years ago my brain went to some sort of crazy place and I could feel my face getting super red and I wanted to run. I had morphed into 7th grade Laura in exactly two seconds. Even Husband commented on it after I had (extremely awkwardly) said "hi" to her. Classic case of revertigo, yo.

6. I'm now having a series of horrifying flashbacks regarding my junior high and high school days. The gigantic retainer that made me scared to talk! The kid who threw glasses of water on me! The way I thought that a table full of boys were laughing at me every time I walked through the high school cafeteria! (For the last one it turned out a kid had a crush on me and the boys were making fun of him, but I certainly didn't know that at the time.) Help! New topic STAT!

7. 2 out of 3 jobs I had as an adult involved human poop. The first was for a lab job where I had to freeze poop specimens and the second was having to flush toilets for eating disorder patients after meals. Thus, having a baby that poops is NOTHING to me. And now that I think about it, if you call my current SAHM gig a job, that means that 3 out of 4 of my post-college jobs have involved human poop. I'm 75% poopy.

OK, DONE! That was seriously hard, especially since I already wrote 100 facts about me a couple years ago. Now it is time for me to nominate 7 more people, but lordy, I'm feeling tired (the junior high flashbacks! They just keep coming!), so I'm going to keep it simple and give a shout out to three people who might want to play along.

Kim, a friend from high school @ It's a Work in Progress
Heather, a friend & former co-worker @ Live Inside My Bubble
Ally, an old summer theater buddy @ Laughing at the Days to Come

Artsy Fartsy

Twin Cities readers - do you know about the library adventure passes? Basically, you just go to the library and can get two free tickets to many local museums and even the Minnesota Zoo. I've known about it forever, but only recently started taking advantage of it in my desperate attempt to get out of the house (to call me stir-crazy these days would be putting it mildly). Two weeks ago we went the zoo (cost savings of $26!) and last Saturday we headed to the Walker Art Center and Sculpture Garden (cost savings of $20!). The nice thing about these free passes (besides the whole free thing) is that you can spend just an hour or two at the location - there is no pressure to see it all that day for fear of not getting your money's worth. The casual visits are not just ideal, but necessary with a baby.

You can't take photos inside the museum (which is probably for the best as I was out of my element - a stack of newspapers on the floor that I almost stepped on = art??), but we took some pictures in the greenhouse that is a part of the Sculpture Garden.


Ah...it was so heavenly humid in there.
Husband insisted on teaching Bella how to drink from a water fountain.
My little cheeky monkey.
Once the weather is nicer, Bella and I will explore the Sculpture Garden. I haven't actually set foot inside it since I was about 10 and visiting from Fargo with the fam, which is ridiculous since I've lived in Minneapolis for 12 years now. Any out-of-towners recognize this sculpture?

Husband's Thoughts...On Fatherhood

Husband is back yet again to answer more of your reader questions. (Here are the previous two entries: thoughts on breastfeeding and work/life balance if you missed them the first time around.) Take it away, Husband!

What is your favorite part of being a dad?

This is a difficult question to answer, mainly because I have a lot of contenders BUT I will try to narrow it down to my favorite...To be honest, I think it's the moments when Bella and I are playing in her room together, when she will be done looking at and interacting with her toys and play-things and she'll crawl over and start climbing on me. Usually I'll kind of wrestle (very gently, of course) with her and tickle her and blow raspberries on her belly, which makes her squeal with laughter. Then for a few moments she'll just look me straight in the eyes and will reach out her tiny little hand and touch my face and I know she loves me. Even though she can't speak, this is how I've decided she's telling me and it takes me out of the world and places me squarely in a moment with her. That is definitely my favorite part of being a dad.

How do you feel about diaper changes now that Bella is eating solids? My DH has actually thrown up from one LOL...

I have to admit, the probability of me coming across her poops is quite low, as I'm usually at work when it happens BUT I have had a few to deal with and, thankfully, I got over my gagging when I babysat my sister's son, almost 10 years ago now. However, it is a god-awful smell and I still feel the beginnings of a gag come on. I just don't think it's something that anyone ever gets 100% used to. To be honest, the even worse part for me is that we use cloth diapers so you don't just get to wrap it all up and throw it in the trash like with a disposable. No. You have to carefully march it back to the bathroom where we have this jet-spray accoutrement attached to our toilet and you have to strategically spray the diaper dung into the toilet without having reflected overspray hit you in the face or spray all over the toilet. Quite the challenge.

How does Husband feel about having another baby? Is he on board with having #2 in the near future?

One thing you can count on me for is a candid answer and here it is: Do I want more kids? Yes. Hell, yes. Do I want to have to take care of them? Hell no. So, I'm in a bit of a pickle because you clearly can't have one without the other. I can say this much...prior to having Bella, I was telling people I wanted to have three to four kids. Funny thing was, that when I told this to people who were already parents, they just smiled knowingly and politely and I'm sure they thought to themselves, "Silly rookie." Now, if we have a boy next, I might schedule a clandestine rendezvous with a urologist and get a quick vasectomy and just enjoy trying to have more kids with Laura for the next few years ;) Seriously, it is difficult to imagine how we would deal with more than Bella but I know people do it and a huge shout out to all the parents in the world because if I knew what I know now before we started trying, I would have had to think long and hard about it. The final result would have still been the same but I would have thought about it a lot harder.

How has fatherhood compared with his expectations of it?

This is a nice segue from the last question. It's so much harder than I ever dreamed it would be and, to some degree, I knew what to expect...or, at least, I thought I did. I had seen my sister and her husband go through it first hand and was a pretty active uncle, especially in the first year. I think I babysat for them once a weekend for that first year so they could maintain sanity. Also, I dated a woman for two years who had a three year old girl when we started dating but she spent half of her time with her dad. It's definitely the best but also the most challenging thing I've done in my life. It's challenging because so long as they're awake, you are ON. There's no "oh, I'm just going to lay on the couch and drink some beers and watch TV for a few hours and then maybe fall asleep for a little while" action going on in our house anymore and I miss that action, desperately. Laura and I have talked about creative ways that we each might be able to take a break but to be honest, it feels a bit like going on a vacation and leaving my right leg home. This parenting gig is truly a bittersweet reality.

How did Husband 'know' he was ready for a baby? Did he ever know?

I didn't KNOW I was ready but I sincerely THOUGHT I was ready, and even with all that I've said above, I now KNOW that I want more BUT, prior to Bella, I also knew that once the baby was here, my life was going to radically change and that my thoughts would be centered around three people not two and definitely not around myself. To be perfectly honest, I don't think the great majority of people who have their first kid are in any way prepared for the reality of the journey. How could you be?? In the average person's life, what compares to having the responsibility for the life and development of a completely vulnerable human being who's only request is unconditional love? I mean if you really think about it, isn't this the hardest thing you could imagine someone asking of you? The crazy thing is, once you're in it, you know there's no going back so you just go with it and it turns out to be one of the most challenging but definitely one of the most rewarding and, to some, the most important thing you'll ever do in your life.

What's his opinion on why guys have such a hard time taking this giant step in life?

While I can't speak for all guys, I'll give it a shot and the answer will be nothing more than a reflection of what made me struggle with it. I think every guy knows that having a kid will put a serious and overwhelming dent in their lifestyle. This is usually about as far as most guys will be able to go in explaining why they can't fathom being a dad. Consciously, this is all they can deal with. They don't want to dig deeper but I will try to. The second level that some guys reach is that they realize that they might be satisfied once they have a family. How scary is that? Well, to some, it runs counter to what they think they ought to be find satisfaction in (at least, in regards to what society/culture tells an American man he should be satisfied with). How will he be able to deal with himself if he's more satisfied with his family than he is with wealth and status? So, some guys (myself included) will try to get themselves a bit more 'established' before they're ready to take the plunge (no pun intended). Aside from these two things, what ultimately kept me, and may keep some guys, from taking this step until I was 35 was this: Some guys may know (some at a subconscious level or at a conscious level but may never admit it) that they will love their children more than they've ever loved anyone in their entire lives (even their wives but in a very different way, obviously). Strangely, they'll know that they'll love their child more than they love themselves. Introducing something to a guy that means more to himself than himself is a huge concept to deal with so most don't want to face it. Thus, they delay. When a guy (or again maybe it's just me) loves something more than he loves himself, he's willing to do anything for that object of love. This puts men into an extremely and terribly uncomfortable position: complete vulnerability. Men are shaped, from the day they are born, not to be vulnerable. We're told not to cry. We're thought to be weird if we express our emotions openly. If we comfort another man who's having trouble, we're more likely to get hit by him than hugged. By the time you're ready to be a dad, everything that you need to be a great dad has been taught out of you. To have unconditional love in your heart and mind, so much so that you fear the loss of your child because you don't know how you'd survive without them is completely uncharted emotional territory for a man. It's enough to completely freak a man out and this is why I (perhaps, we) have such a hard time with this step in life. I imagine it is similar for a woman, too but I can't say because I've never been one ;) However, women may have a better sense of emotional support from her family/friends that makes this step seem less daunting. Men don't have that sense and it's a shame. It's not how we've been raised. So perhaps it's up to us to raise our boys to be sensitive men and let them know that it's OK to be scared and it's OK to talk about it. If you're husband is having trouble with the idea of having a kid, try to remember that it's likely because he's scared and he may not have the tools to tell you this. So, if I can offer advice on this, don't get irritated with him; make him feel safe and ask him if he's willing to tell you what worries him.

Climb Every Mountain

Or, rather, climb every staircase. Latest baby trick!

The Long One

So this morning at baby storytime at the library we sang "Where is Thumbkin?"

For those who haven't thumbkinned in recent years, let me refresh your memory. It goes a little something like this, to the tune of Frere Jacques:

[Start with both hands behind back]
Where is Thumbkin? [Pull out right hand with thumb pointed up]
Where is Thumbkin? [Pull out left hand with thumb pointed up]
Here I am. [Right thumb wiggles Danny Torrence-REDRUM-style at left thumb]
Here I am. [Repeat last step using left thumb]
How are you today, sir? [More wiggling of right thumb]
Very well, I thank you. [You guessed it! Wiggle that left thumb.]
Run away. [Right thumb rudely leaves the conversation and heads back behind your back]
Run away. [Poor left thumbkin, feeling hurt and sad, follows suit and hides behind your back]

OK, got it? Good. Now I only remembered this thumbkin song taking place with your thumbs, but it turns out that you do it with every single finger and then your whole hand.

Here is where you are thinking, "Christ, woman! Get to the point!". And I'm getting there. Now I want you to look at your hand and pick out which finger would be "The Long One".

Got it?

Now do the actions listed above using this long finger.

STOP FLICKING ME OFF, YOU ASSHOLE.

Heh.

Back to me at the library this morning. So we are doing this thumbkin song (which felt a bit interminable) and when we got to the long one, I felt all giggly and looked up, thinking other parents would be laughing, too.

Nope, not a one. Everyone else had serious looks of concentration on their faces while their long ones were pointed straight up in the air.

And then, for the 3,045,790th time in my life, I felt awkward.

THE END.

Bits & Pieces

• I find Apolo Ohno to be a pretty young Olympian and fun to watch while he speed skates in his Mr. Goodbody spandex, BUT I have a major, MAJOR problem with that thing on his chin. It's not just the fact that I am against goatees in general, but it's more that the color does not match his eyebrow or head hair. Which then leaves me feeling like he's revealing too much information about himself. Because if his facial hair is reddish, then doesn't that mean his...? And I don't want to think such things! Really, I don't.

• Since I've already been gross and inappropriate on this post, I think now is the time to tell you that Angelina Jolie's lips remind me of testicles. And now, maybe they will make you think of testicles, too. One can only hope.

• It had to be at least a steamy 35°F today so I opted to not wear my coat and drive with the windows down. And then I got cold.

• It's just about that time of year where I pull out all my shorts to try on. Interestingly, I haven't purchased nor publicly worn shorts (aside from exercise shorts) in the past 5 years and yet the shorts remain in the drawer for the sole purpose of being tried on once a year in anticipation of spring. My shorts collection ranges from the green khaki pair from Abercrombie (circa '97) to really short shorts from Express (circa '00). The saving of the shorts mystifies me.

• All of my shorts are two sizes larger than my other clothes, thanks to the ol' birthing hips. I would generally forget that I needed to buy up a couple sizes when it comes to shorts, resulting in a bad changing room moment.

• We bought a new shelving unit for our living room and I'm in love. I had eyed it for several years and when I saw it on sale recently, we decided to go for it. We still have to figure out how to decorate it while keeping it functional, in addition to buying a chair to go with the desk. There may have been a moment this weekend when Husband filled it with clay and glass things and plants and I pitched a fit and yelled. Only the martini glasses were allowed to stay. For now. Totally Kate Gosselined him on that one.

• The burgeoning organization of the living room has spurred me to go forth and organize the rest of the house. I find throwing away expired medicine and unused hair products highly satisfying and can't wait to tackle my closet next.

• All shorts will be spared from any purging, in case you were wondering.

Ice, Ice Baby

I'm feeling a little better. Bella seems to be back to normal with sleeping, which means I'm more rested (and therefore less crazy). I've also done 40 minutes on the treadmill the past two days and plan to begin training for a 10K that I've run in the past that will take place at the end of April. Hopefully I will be able to do some running avec le bébé in my beautiful BOB stroller before the race. I also dug out the light box and started light therapy AND even got outside for a walk as it's been above freezing. Above freezing feels downright balmy when you are in Minnesota in February.

Unfortunately, that walk outside will probably be my first and last until a considerable thaw. Part of my excuse for not walking outside this winter (besides my severe case of cold weather Tourette's Syndrome) was that the ground is ridiculously treacherous with ice. But even as I used that excuse, I figured it couldn't really be that bad. But guess what? It really is that bad!

Our driveway. The dark parts are ice under the snow cover.

Side walks near the house.

Even the properly maintained sidewalks have patches of ice on them.
So until the ice is melted, it just isn't really safe to walk with Bella. Which is too bad, since it means I can't show off my big-baby-squeezed-into-a-down-coat-look, which is all the rage on the runways this season.

Perhaps I Should Rethink those 4 AM Posts

Hmmm...those 4 AM posts tend to get rather whiny, don't they? That last paragraph especially - oy. I realize I need to get over the idea that I am going to be well rested at any point in the near future, otherwise I'm setting myself up for a lot of frustration.

But the fact that I'm so.damn.tired all the time lately did get me thinking that maybe there is something else going on. And I think there is. I think I have SAD. By which I mean S.A.D. or seasonal affective disorder, lest you think I'm now expressing my feelings with bad english. I get this way every year and February is notorious for being the suckiest. Cruel, cruel February.

I have struggled with depression on and off for most of my life, I think, but it generally manifests itself as pretty mild. Depression for me mostly means feeling suuuuuper sleepy, along with being crabby, wanting to withdraw, and tending to ruminate. It's a bad mood that goes on too long to just be a bad mood anymore. Someday I'll talk more about some of this depression stuff, but right now it's too much work. It's too...oh, what's that word?...depressing, if you will.

I think it's time for some light therapy and intense aerobic exercise for longer periods of time. Plus keep taking my supplements (Vitamin D, hefty doses of omega-3s, and pre-natals) every single day. Those have been proven to be the most effective for me, far more than medication ever was. But, ugh, that will take effort and it's so much easier just to write whiny blog posts and shake a fist in rage at Minnesota weather. Damn you and your frigid cold, gray ways, Minnesota! If you were a boy I would have quit you long ago!

Big sigh. Anyone else in the throes of SAD? Or even just a case of the lower case sads? Tell me! Misery loves company, you know.

Sleep Training Revisited

Remember how my baby was sleeping through the night? Or, at least, doing something that resembled sleeping through the night considering there was still a feeding taking place between 3-5 AM before she woke for the day somewhere between 5-6 AM. Yeah, that kind of sleeping is not happening anymore.

I knew she (and therefore we) would get off course with sleeping on our trip. I wasn't comfortable letting her fuss even a little bit in California. Partly because the sleep books don't recommend it and partly because the walls were so paper thin at our hotel that I hated the idea of anyone else waking up from my sleeping baby. So this meant I was getting up every 2-3 hours with Bella, letting her comfort nurse in a chair that smelled disconcertingly like the ghost of boyfriend past (hello, Aqua di Gio, long time no smell!). Each of those nursing sessions seemed to go on for 20-30 minutes as she would cry each time I tried to put her back down. Eventually, I would give up at some point in the night and bring her into bed with us, at least so I could lie down and get something that resembled sleep.

So I was tired from our trip, but that is nothing compared to now as we have had to start over from square one with sleep training. The sleep books imply that it will be an easy-peasy thing to get your baby back on track; just one or two days of night wakings and then you'll be back in business. However, the sleep training books also say that babies sleep very heavily their last couple hours of sleep and THAT certainly isn't the case when it comes to Bella. So here we are, day four of re-sleep training and I am wide awake at 4 in the morning, finally giving up on my sleep after getting in and out of bed four times having to check on the decidedly NOT sleeping Bella.

To anyone who judges me sleep training, you should know that I judge myself even more. Everything about letting her cry, even if it is at short intervals, puts my nerves on edge. My brain is shouting at me, "WRONG, WRONG, WRONG" and "BAD, BAD, BAD". Dr. Sears wasn't accurate when he said that parents who sleep train go down a slippery slope to ignoring their babies needs as they become immune to hearing their babies cry. I am anything but immune to it. I wish I didn't have to sleep train, but I have a baby who will happily wake up several times each night. I don't have it in me to wake up with her that often, nor do I think it is in her best interest. So we sleep train. And it sucks.

I knew being a parent meant signing up for being exhausted. I got that. But why, then, do I feel like it's so unfair to be so damn exhausted all the time? Is everyone else this tired? And WHY in the hell do I think having a second child would be a good thing?

In Which I Discuss My Fear of Anne Geddes

We're home. This bright and cheery scene was outside my living room window this morning. Oh Minnesota. If I didn't know better I'd almost call you pretty. But I do know better and I know you are oh so cruel. However, let's not dwell on the reality of being home. I'd rather relive some California memories.

Chicken and I spent the remainder of the week walking around outside as much as possible.
Since there were only so many locations within walking distance of our hotel, I ended up spending an unusual (for me) amount of time browsing stores. One day I stumbled upon an Anne Geddes store in Downtown Disney. As some of my friends know, I have a thing for Anne Geddes. Or maybe you would call it an anti-thing. I find her work really frightening and creepy. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, let me show you.

Ick! Egg Babies.

Double Ick! Sleeping Animal Babies. Why are they sleeping? WHY?

Eeeeeeeee! It's not right!

On Thursday morning, Husband didn't have to work until 11 AM, so we took an early morning drive out to Laguna Beach. Why Laguna Beach? Um...I heard it was a nice beach from fellow blogger Carolyn and (mumble, mumble) I maybe regularly watched Laguna Beach back when it was on MTV.

Here we are preparing for our mini road trip in the understated vehicle that Husband's company rented for us. Me care for the environment? What?

Laguna beach was nice and far more quaint than I would have expected.


See how Husband is wearing his sweatshirt turned inside out? Well, he only brought one sweatshirt on the trip - his beloved William and Mary sweatshirt. At breakfast on Thursday morning, a waitress not only mentioned that she had seen him wearing it earlier in the week, but she asked if the "William" and "Mary" referred to our names. I laugh every single time this happens. Poor Husband. It seems few people outside of the East Coast know about the prestigious College of William and Mary. Anyway, he felt a little awkward both having been exposed for wearing the same clothes to breakfast every morning AND for having people think he likes to wear clothing proclaiming our names so he wore it inside out the rest of the trip.

Bella thought that swinging on the beach was the best.

All the excitement pooped her out and she slept on the ride home.What's that? You can't see her? Ah, yes. That's because she is hidden by her caMOOflage car seat. HA! Thank you folks, I'll be here all night.

On Friday we headed back to Minneapolis and our time in the sun will be on hold until March. Or April. Possibly May. STUPID MINNESOTA.

Mothership Super Special #5: California Girls!

We have arrived in California! Look at all the fun we are all having on the beach in the picture below! See how my friend Stacy is all sexy in her bikini? And how my friend Mary Anne has to sit under an umbrella wearing a robe because of her fair skin? But, uh, don't say anything about how lame it is to wear a robe at the beach when you are 13 because she's real sensitive. Not sure why my friend Dawn is wearing a bee-themed swim suit, but you can bet it's made of organic fabric. And there's my friend Kristy being sporty and my friend Claudia wearing the latest beach fashions. And maybe there are a couple more people in the picture, but I don't like to talk about them much because they are sort of boring and weird and obsessed with horses and ballet.


Heh.

Ah, California. Did you know that things are actually alive outside here? Amazing.



The flight from Minneapolis on Sunday night went beautifully. Bella was the bella of the balla and charmed passengers and flight attendants alike.


She got a chance to catch up on her gossip mags before conking out the final two hours of the flight.


The reason we are in California is because we are tagging along on Husband's business trip. Fittingly, we are staying at the Hotel Anabella (Arabella at Anabella!) in Anaheim. Here are Husband and Bella outside the convention center where his conference is located.

Our hotel is literally across the street from Disneyland. Upon the advice of Facebook friends, I don't think we'll pay to go into the actual park, but we can still check out the excitement at Downtown Disney.


On Monday afternoon we tried to check out the "Anaheim Garden Walk" that was a couple blocks away, but were slightly horrified to find out that Garden Walk = Shopping Mall. Which brings to mind another California misnomer: Knott's Berry Farm = Amusement Park. There is much to learn about these people. Especially when they apparently drink things like this:

Mmmm...Chelada! Who doesn't love a little Clamato and Bud Light combination?

Yesterday was a bit of a dud because it rained much of the day (and you don't know fun times until you try to entertain an 8-month old in a hotel room for hours), but today is sunny so we'll get out and do more exploring. I'm LOVING the warm weather and sun. If Husband is given the opportunity to move out here for his work, I think we would jump on it.

Before signing off, Bella wants to say hello. Isn't my baby pretty?

Husband's Thoughts...On Work/Life Balance

Part two in our series when Husband answers reader's questions. Read his first post here.

How does husband balance work with being a good family man?

In short, I would naturally work as much as I possibly could so long as I didn’t feel that it was, in any way, negatively impacting the people that I care for. As a result, I consistently search and, more often than not, accomplish a balance. But this is a difficult question to answer because I am in constant doubt as to whether I am succeeding in balancing work against what’s ultimately my most rewarding priority: family. Both Laura and I grew up in families where our fathers were-to put it fairly, and without allowing our perspectives to blur it-extremely dedicated to their work. Our mothers were also extremely dedicated to their work BUT they also shouldered the lion’s share of the familial responsibilities. If you look back to this blog post, it’s clear that I struggled with leaving the house and returning to work after Bella was born but I felt so fortunate knowing she’d be able to be home with Laura. I still struggle from time to time BUT there’s honestly nothing in my entire 36 years of life’s experiences that fulfills me the way coming home to Laura and Bella does after a busy day at work. Also, I have an incredible work environment, where the culture is determinedly focused-from top to bottom-on having people genuinely enjoy their work and they know that means taking the time they need to pay attention to their families. When I was searching for positions, almost a year ago, anything that required more than 10% travel was eliminated because I knew that I wouldn’t be happy in a job that kept me away from my family. Now, when I come home from work, it’s hard because Bella usually goes to sleep around seven and I’m usually getting home around five and I get to see very little of her in the morning. So, when I get home, I put my cell phone down, leave my computer off, resist turning the television on and spend two hours just observing her and the new things she’s doing. She slows me right down. Usually I play with her and her toys, read to her (which she really seems to love), and just appreciate the time I have with her. On the weekends, I get to appreciate what Laura experiences every day and that keeps me motivated to get back to work on Monday ;) I think I know my strengths and have a decent handle on my weaknesses. I couldn’t do what Laura does for Bella on a daily basis and what she does makes her an incredible person and an even more incredible Mom. Right now my mind and my competitive drive is in my job but my heart is always home with Laura and Bella and I love being able to leave work completely and come home to my heart at the end of the day. Having Laura and Bella in my life, there’s rarely a moment where I forget how much I have to be thankful for and this subtle and persistent appreciation keeps me from getting consumed by work or other distractions. I feel like I have my cake, and it’s the best damned cake I’ve ever had, and everything else…is just icing.

Does he feel extra pressure to work more to support a family on one income?

So, as in the answer above, I sought out a job where family was part of the job description. I feel very fortunate to have that kind of employer and I know they aren’t easy to find. I wouldn’t say there’s any added pressure because we’re on one income. I am a goal-oriented person and drive myself pretty hard so most of the pressure I feel day-to-day is derived from within. Knowing this, I can often turn the pressure on and off. When I’m at work, it’s 110% pressure. When I’m at home, it’s -10%. The other thing is this: my father is east Indian and my mother is Irish/Norwegian. While I spent the vast majority of my life in the states, I was raised by an Indian father (for those readers who are Indian or for those with Indian friends, you’ll be able to relate) and that meant that it was the man’s job to provide for his family financially and my Dad took this very seriously and, in some way, some of that culture and sense of responsibility got handed down to me. So, in some way I just feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m fulfilling my role. Our family has a collaborative, give-and-take model but, for now, we have a very traditional work/life model that we are working within and we’re each doing our very best to approach it in a way that keeps our family as strong as it possibly can be by appreciating that we’re both working our asses off to make Bella’s life the best it can be. I don’t think there are ever any delusions that both of us are hard at work. Had Laura been the one with the highest income potential when Bella was born, I would have gladly stayed home with Bella. I don’t think I would have been as good as it as Laura is but I would have done it because that’s what Laura and I want and it is what we are both fully prepared to sacrifice for to have.

You both are very blessed to be in a position where you can be a full time mom. Can you share some tips on how you guys manage it (savings tips, ways to supplement income, etc)?

I talked to Laura about this and it seems that she is planning on writing a post to cover this very subject in the near future so I won’t steal her thunder. Let me just say this: as far back as I can remember, my family talked about having a good relationship with money. They constantly emphasized how to invest money, how to spend money, how to keep track of money, how to save money, etc. So, as far as money goes Laura and I spend a decent amount of time reviewing our status and checking in. We have monthly financial meetings where we talk about the month’s bills, etc. and we have quarterly financial meetings where we talk about plans for the future, etc. I will be sure to edit and contribute to her post on this subject, as I have a lot to say about it and what works for us. I know a lot of couples struggle with and fight over money and it can be a real stressor but I don’t think it has to be that way if you can agree to communicate openly and often about it and set mutual goals and expectations about spending, travel, saving, etc. and we’ll try to convey that in that post.

I didn't know

I didn't know that motherhood would cause my heart to swell up so big that every sad story I hear is seemingly felt on a personal level. In fact, every sad story that I hear is felt so deep, so viscerally - at least for a brief moment before I prevent my brain from going down that road - that I find myself unable to breath. Unable to stop the tears. Unable to fathom what I would be without Bella.

I didn't know that I would suddenly have my guard up all the time. I can no longer watch the news. Movies that include the death of a child, mom or spouse are so far off limits that I find myself sticking to G-rated movies or comedies. Books are screened to ensure the subject material won't set off this new and highly sensitive internal alarm. But I can't filter out life. Gritty, dirty, REAL life. Bad things happen to good people. Loss happens. Sad things happen. Death happens. I can't shut my eyes all the time.

I didn't know that I would be able to imagine all the ways I might lose her. The ways she could get hurt or harmed. The ways that might shift my life from one of utter contentment to utter despair. I didn't understand that there was a whole part of my brain just waiting to activate. A part of my brain that insists on showing me what could happen. What might happen.

I thought I knew. During pregnancy, I thought I knew how deep the love could go. I thought I understood that with that love would come a fear of loss. I thought I knew how big that loss could be. I thought I knew. And I was wrong.

And now I think I know. But do I? Or is this only the beginning?

So I do what I can to manage this new and frightening part of my life. I acknowledge the potential, but only briefly, before reverting my brain back to reality. I hug her a little tighter. I tell Husband that I love him. I remember to breathe. I remember that I have this moment and that, in this moment, everything is alright.

I don't think I'm alone in this. I don't think this means that something is wrong with me and that I am anxious or depressed.

I think it means that I am a mother.

Husband's Thoughts...On Breastfeeding

Laura's Intro: Thank you so much to everyone who submitted questions for Husband to answer. I was happily surprised to see the great questions roll in as I was fearful that no one would ask anything and awkwardness would ensue. In fact, there were so many questions that we took them all and divided them up into the following categories: Breastfeeding, Work/Life Balance, Fatherhood, Being Husband, and Being Married with Children. The answers will be posted as a series over the next week. Here is the first. Oh, and I TOLD YOU he was all about TMI. It's Mr. TMI himself from here on out.

Has it been easy for you to support Laura with breastfeeding?

I have to say that it actually was a tremendous relief to me to know how committed Laura was to breastfeeding, so supporting her in this decision was actually effortless. We had talked about our preferences either prior to or during pregnancy and it was pretty amazing how closely aligned our values were. Quite honestly, I can’t imagine a better way to feed your infant (while understanding and accepting why some women choose not to or cannot despite wanting to). I’m a biologist, so awareness of the physiological benefits of-as well as the physical bonding that occurs during-breastfeeding i.e. being able to confer basic immunological protection for the baby through the antibodies that are present in breastmilk, etc. made it an easy choice for me. Also, having been breastfed until I was at least one year old and having a sister who breastfeed her child, it couldn’t have been easier to support Laura.

What has been the most challenging part for you?

This is an easy answer. The most challenging part was the first six to eight weeks of breastfeeding. We were very fortunate that we didn’t have any major issues with Bella latching on or learning how to breastfeed, etc. However, the sheer number of times that she fed during the day, the soreness that Laura experienced, as well as seeing her experience and struggle with feelings of being “tied down” to the house because of all the feedings that took place during the day, and then the fact that her sleep was essentially sacrificed so she could feed the baby during the night was extremely challenging. The reason why was because, while I could help in many other ways with the baby, this was one area where I was literally useless and I felt like it was out of my control. Being someone who LIKES control, this was really hard. I was essentially watching helplessly while Laura struggled through a very personal and somewhat isolating time in her life. Looking back, I couldn’t be prouder of her. She really showed me a totally different and extremely strong side of her personality. She fought through a dark period of time to accomplish her goal and I know it paid off…for her and for Bella.

The weirdest part?

I tasted the milk a few times when Laura pumped it and that was pretty weird because it tasted a bit different each time, I’m guessing because it was dependent on what she ate. It’s really strange to think about the cycle of food: Laura eats something, digests it, it goes into her bloodstream, enters her breastmilk, Bella “eats” this, digests it, it goes into her bloodstream and there’s actually waste that ends up in her diaper. That is probably the weirdest part to me. Also, Laura’s nipples totally changed in shape (not the areola, the nipple). I won’t say how but that was pretty weird…and intriguing. I like the new shape better.

What advice/warnings would you give to other husbands whose wives are planning to breastfeed?

Be prepared for dark days while they struggle through this new and challenging time in their lives, don’t dare complain about it (because imagine those summer days when you played all day at the lake or swimming pool on an inner tube/raft or when you ran a long distance and your shirt rubbed your nipples raw and then imagine having that every day for eight weeks straight), listen to them complain, support them and love them for doing this for your child. Ask them what they want (don’t think you know what’s best for them, like telling them to go outside for a walk, etc. even if the advice is coming from a genuinely good place) and do your very best to give them what they want. Be VERY patient. If it drives you crazy, tell your buddies about it over beers. DON’T tell her. Your job is to keep your mouth shut and do everything you can for her because, I can assure you, she’s doing everything she can to keep your baby healthy and happy.

Ask a Husband

It's high time for another guest post from Husband, don't you think? To nudge him along, I'm going to need some help from you all. I want you to submit questions for Husband to answer.


So what do you want to know? The sky is the limit, really.


For those of you who haven't met Husband in real life, you should know that he doesn't really know the difference between regular old information and T.M.I. It's funny at times and horrifying at others (like in front of my parents, good god, I have to suppress the urge to crawl under the dinner table at least once a parental visit). So you should realize I'm really throwing caution to the wind when I ask you to submit questions.


Feeling shy? Ask anonymously!


WOOOO! Should be fun.

Warning: This Post Contains Disturbing Content

On Saturday afternoon, Husband and I were able to go on a mini-date as his sister came over to watch Bella for a few hours. I missed one feeding while we were out and then I ended up not pumping an extra feeding later, like I normally do when I skip a feeding. So it shouldn't have been any surprise when I woke up at 2 AM on Sunday morning with a rock hard and sore left breast. I sleepily thought about getting out of bed and pumping, but - blegh - what a pain. That would make me fully wake up and inevitably struggle to fall back asleep once I finished pumping. Not to mention the fact that my bed was so warm and cozy. So when Bella stirred next to me, I figured I'd just dream feed her and the problem would be solved.

But Bella wouldn't cooperate. She kept wriggling out of my hands and turning around. So I kept trying to pick her back up and lay her into position. After a minute of this, it dawned on me that Bella wasn't in bed with me - she was in her crib, just like every other night. So if Bella was in her crib in the other room, then who was I...

That's right, folks. I was trying to make my cat breastfeed. I was trying to make my cat breastfeed. CAT! BREASTFEED! ME! GAH! As some of you may recall, I had a scary dream about this very issue back in my preggy days. I shudder to think about how close I came to making my fear into a reality. Ick. ICK! Stupid, broken, too-tired brain.

Told you it was disturbing.

I'll stick with water, you creepy lady.