2010 In Review

[2008 and 2009]

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Hmmm...nothing is coming to mind, besides the obvious fact that staying-at-home with a baby-turned-toddler was all new to me. Gah. I must have done something semi-interesting? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Am seriously boring.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Do I remember setting New Year's resolutions? Uh, no. So I guess you could say I opted out for 2010. I do have one for 2011: Be more organized and better at time management. More about this in a later post(s). Other goals include FINALLY wrapping up that Day in the Life photo project I did last March and working on my photography skillz.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Lots of friends from college: Holly, Dana and JenHon. My cousin-in-law Jen. And I really hope I'm not forgetting anyone else (but this is entirely possible since my brain currently operates on one cylinder)! Next year I'll be able to say my sister and me!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Organization up the wazoo.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 27 - Bella's first birthday
October 10 - Date I got K.U.
October 18 - Date I found out I was pregnant, which also happens to be the anniversary of my first date with Husband

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Questions like these are really hard this year since there was no HUUUUGE event. I guess I would say that I think I achieved being the kind of mom I want to be and also maintaining balance in my life.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Making the most of my time. I waste so much time on dumb internet things when I could be doing something productive that would in turn make me feel mentally better.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not that nasty all-day sickness during pregnancy could be considered illness, but have I felt like poo for a considerable amount of time this year? Yes.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Even though Sir Mix-a-Lot, my Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer, has sat untouched for the past couple months, I'm still happy I bought it for myself. Our future together looks bright.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Not to be awkward or anything, but Bella! There is a reason we clap a lot in this household.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Meh. This question is a dud. I don't know. No one comes to mind and I don't feel the need to go searching my brain for the answer.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Household stuff (bills, mortgage, groceries, whatnot), rental-property stuff, and savings

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting pregnant

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
That Bruno Mars song, Just the Way You Are, gets me teary-eyed every time so I'll say that one. Makes me think of my baberoo growing up and being fabulous and confident and, goddammit, I'm crying again.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Erm, honestly? A little sadder AT THIS MOMENT. The year overall would be same happiness, I think.
b) thinner or fatter? Weirdly thinner even though I'm in my second trimester
c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Same answer as last year, but it still works: Exercising, Writing, Relaxing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Feeling frustrated by various things: not getting pregnant right away, our townhome, Husband, Bella, myself.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
This was a nice year being Bella's first Christmas where she could show how excited she was. We spent it at home with our wee family of 3. Plans to see extended family in the 'burbs was scrapped when we were all dealing with colds and didn't want to infest the elderly.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Not so much. Good for my marriage, I suppose.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Mad Men.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
And this question is now being struck from the yearly review. DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT!

24. What was the best book you read?
At this point I've read around 100-ish books this year (final quarterly review coming up this week), but one book that really stands out as exceptional was Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese. Actually, I think one of you recommended it to me!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
There aren't a lot of musical discoveries happening in my world. Lame-o.

26. What did you want and get?
To be pregnant.

27. What did you want and not get?
To move to a new house.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Another question I struggle with because I can't keep track of these things. I would say that I enjoyed the time watching movies as it was delightfully kid-free, but none of them were mind-blowing.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Sort of an anti-climatic day. Drove back home after cousin's wedding in Iowa, took care of Bella, had take-out Buca di Beppo dinner with my visiting parents and brother. Went to bed early as I was super exhausted after a semi-trying day with my girl. Hope 31 is far more fabulous.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I took the "immeasurably" out of the question I would say something like... More sleep? Less morning sickness? More time to pursue own interests? More house cleaning by others?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I remained true to my wardrobe of cheap and ill-fitting clothes as I was stuck in the limbo-place of "Well, I'm just going to be pregnant soon anyway, so why bother getting new stuff?" And now I'm pregnant and maternity clothes are still too big so I continue to wear the old fugly stuff. I would like to up my fashion sense. I think it would make me feel more polished and confident. I know Clinton and Stacy would agree.

32. What kept you sane?
Bella, Husband (um...3/4 credit for husband as he is also the person to drive me the most insane at times), cats, books, and blogging

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ryan Gosling at this very moment. Just saw him on the cover of GQ and hot dog ding dong!

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I think all the stuff surrounding the oil spill and the greater implications/issues that went with it.

35. Who did you miss?
Can I miss a place? I miss Fargo, like A LOT lately. What's it all about, Alfie?

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I would say e-peoples that I've met through blogging and really connected with, even though I haven't MET met them.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
When it comes to babies and toddlers, it will likely get sorted out soon enough so it's probably best to not waste much time worrying about it. I mean this for things like achieving milestones and sleep.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Girl you're amazing, just the way you are." As applied to how I feel about Bella and how my inner cheerleader wants me to feel about myself.

Whoosh, Whoosh: 13 Weeks, 5 Days

Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh.

A nice steady something-or-other beats per minute. The baby is just fine, great even, and I am doing just fine myself now, great even.

I didn't realize how much it had been bugging me - the not knowing for sure if everything was OK - until after the appointment today. I felt a sudden whoosh myself - a whoosh of energy as we left the clinic and Bella and I went to a coffee shop and shared a bran muffin and then did grocery shopping where I bought ingredients for my favorite recipe - Chicken Tikka Masala. Look at me go!

I think yesterday's wah-wah post was related to me feeling worried about the baby, but trying not to feel worried about the baby. I was choosing to focus on the seemingly endless nausea to spare my brain the frightening thoughts of what could happen at the midwife appointment. Sure, I still feel gross, especially in the mornings and at night, but it's OK. [Remember that self: IT'S OK. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.]

Also? Husband told the midwife that I have dirty hair. She was commenting on Bella's curls and asked where she got them. I made some comment about how I have wavy hair, but my curls usually get brushed out and that I tend to wear my hair up. And Husband, dear, special Husband, pipes in "Yeah, she wear it like that when it's dirty." I washed my hair yesterday afternoon AND showered this morning, thankyouverymuch. AM NOT DIRTY RIGHT NOW WHY ARE YOU TELLING MEDICAL PROVIDERS THAT I AM DIRTY?

Sigh.

Was this better or worse than the time he went on and on about my semi-albino and flat nipples (um, make that formerly semi-albino and flat nipples - YES YOU DID WANT TO KNOW THAT) to the midwife two years ago? It's debatable.

PS - Announced on Facebook. Whee! Attention for me!!! Here is what I wrote:

Happy to share the news that Husband MysteriousLastName and I are expecting another little one in early July. I'm hoping for a July 4 baby so I can use the name Freedom Flag MysteriousLastName. Maybe Ramparts would be a good choice, too, if it's a boy.

For reals, though. Wouldn't the name Ramparts be great? Could call him Parts for short.

Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired: 13 Weeks, 4 Days

Another classic I'm-puking-and-my-life-is-so-hard-right-now-even-though-I-know-it's-not-really-that-hard post. I'd advise you skip it. I'm only publishing it so I have a nice reminder for myself should the notion of getting pregnant ever come up again in the future.

I just threw up for the second time today and I have to say - I don't know how much longer I can do this. Not like my situation is changeable, obviously, but I feel like I might really lose it. I've started crying randomly simply over feeling so crappy. That? Not so normal. I suppose it would be fair to say I am dealing with situational depression over my morning sickness and even as I write that I want to be like, "Good gravy, woman. Get yourself together!"

Because I'm hardly the first person to suffer morning sickness and it seems most other women do just fine. People like Mama Duggar! Apparently she gets morning sickness. But you don't see her endlessly complaining about it, even though it is her 20th (GOOD GOD) time going through it. Mama Duggars and many other puking women continue working, raising children, keeping their houses clean, and being functional members of society. So why am I such a hot mess? Why am I so Why meeeeee whiny about it? Why can't I just buck up and deal? Why can't the gratefulness I feel over being pregnant in the first place be enough to transcend me from my pukey fury?

The dumb part is that I am feeling better overall. Sure I still end up dry-heaving a few times in the morning when I'm pouring out the cereal that I need to force down to prevent further dry-heaving (yes, that is the awesomeness of pregnancy puke management), but I am eating normal dinners most nights. I'm able to mow through a box of chocolates on occasion. I have moments of laughing and happiness. It's not like I'm seriously struggling to breathe without throwing up, the way I was several weeks ago.

But it's that several weeks ago part that is getting me down. I am approaching TWO MONTHS of feeling like I have a hangover. Remember those college hangovers? You know how it's classic to say, "I'm never drinking again!" when you are suffering that hangover because it's so damn miserable. But then it goes away in a day (or 3, as my hangovers tended to linger...I really shouldn't be surprised that my pregnancy nausea is the lingering sort, too) and you forget and eventually find yourself having that one more drink that you really shouldn't have? Well imagine that hangover going on for days and days and the days become weeks and the weeks become months and HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

I have remind myself that I won't feel like this forever. I think that's a big part of my problem. I've feel like Crapp-o for so long that I think it's simply the way life is going to be now. (See self-diagnosis of situational depression in paragraph one.) I'm sure I will feel better in a week or so once this cold finally (FINALLY) makes it's way to the door (seriously - 12 days of this cold and counting: tis a SUPERBUG). But that week seems like a lifetime away. I'm just so, so, SO ready to settle into the fun part of pregnancy, like acid reflux and charlie horses at night.

I kid. I mean the fun parts like feel all full o'life and excited. I'm ready for this blog to turn all puppies and sunshine and Maria Von Trapp. Universe - do you hear that? I want the hills to become alive with the sound of music! Work on it! STAT.

Bumpdate: 13 Weeks

Due Date: July 2, 2011. 27 weeks to go!

Symptoms: Last week was pretty rough for me as I had a cold that sent my morning sickness problems through the roof. On the positive side, Bella has a really fun new game where she requests to be lifted up to the kitchen sink so she can dry heave into it just like mama! So sweet. Ha. I did have moments of respite from the nausea so I consumed a good bit of holiday treats, so I am getting better. It's just slow going. Other symptoms include the usual fatigue and ability to smell anything mildly stinky in a 50-meter radius around me. I'm also now starting to have trouble sleeping because I am not a fan of sleeping on my side. Woe.

What's different this time: Nothing comes to mind this week. Pretty similar as last time in terms of still feeling yucky.

Cravings: Still think about Coke Zero/Diet Coke a lot. Ponder loading up Bella in the car and driving to McDonald's in the AM to get some Diet Coke in the drive through. Never actually do that though, as would require heaps of effort during a time of high-heave probability.

Aversions: Definitely disappearing. Hallelujah! I CHOSE to eat salad a few times this week and am back to eating spinach & lentil type things. Yay! Interestingly (but not surprisingly) a lot of the foods that I could tolerate during the super sick days are now aversions to me as they remind me of feeling like total crap (Wheat Thins, queso dip, and waffles to name a few).

Sleep: Sadly it's starting to get messed up, but thankfully I'm not dealing with insomnia (yet?). I think I might get a proper maternity pillow. We have a limp noodle sort of body pillow that we affectionately call Girlfriend, but Girlfriend just isn't doing it for me. Husband can have her. She's too weak for me.

I am loving: Organization, cleaning and decorating blogs. Maybe this is a nesting thing? Or a feeling more energetic thing? Or just being so sick of living in this too-small townhome thing? Current reads are My Happy House and Chez Larsson. Other recs?

I miss: Having a lot of free time. But that's not related to pregnancy. Although maybe it is. Now that I'm going to have two kids that means even less time to myself so I think I'm going through a little mourning period. I will have plenty of time come 2025 or so. (HALP!)

I am looking forward to: Second midwife appointment on Thursday and getting to hear the heartbeat. I long for the little whoosh-whoosh of reassurance. After that confirmation I'll make the FB announcement and it will feel nice to share the news. Also - looking forward to my sister having her baby very soon!

I'm spazzing about: Eh, nothing right now. Am feeling decidedly unspazzy.

Best moment this week: Seeing Bella LOVE her gigantic tiger that we bought her for Christmas. I was as excited for this Christmas as I was when I was a kid. I didn't realize how magical Christmas can be for the parents.

Milestones: Wearing maternity pants. And having them fall off and expose ass crack because they are too big.

Movement: Still feel it, but now I'm thinking I feel it less - although this is probably just because I'm actively trying to pay attention to it now. OK, maybe I am spazzing a little about something.

It's a...: Starting to get really excited to find out in early Feb. What's if it's a boy? That would be so exciting! And if it's a girl? That would be so exciting!

Exercise: Total Dudcakes McDuderson in the exercise department. One short walk on the treadmill and random dancing around the house with Bella. I'm not beating myself up too much about it though since we were all feeling pretty sick with colds. Feeling confident that I'll hop to it this week.

Diet: Oh, getting better all the time! WHEEEE! I actually made cheese fondue with a pear & pomegranate salad in a citrus vinaigrette for Christmas Eve and it tasted good. I haven't really cooked since them, but - hey - it's a start!

Goals for the upcoming week: (1) move it, move it a minimum of 3 times next week (2) get some organizing and cleaning done around this here joint

Belly Shot: (Will update the picture later tonight when I can have Husband take one)

Merry Christmas

(Google Readers: Click over to see video)

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

To those who are celebrating it today: Merry Christmas!

Neither Here Nor There

• So! Christmas! We are actually doing our first little-family-only Christmas this year. Since my sister is due in early January and both my parents and I plan to travel out to Connecticut to help out in just a few short weeks, it didn't make sense to do any bigger celebration this year. I'm just fine with this. It will be fun to do/start our own traditions. So far we have the following planned: cheese fondue for dinner on Christmas Eve (somewhat of a questionable plan now given my increased nausea & vomiting) and stockings in bed, followed by breakfast and opening presents on Christmas morning. Plus lots of relaxing and giving each other time to nap. We will also make the short drive out to Stillwater (30 minutes away) to visit my Grandma and Aunt later on Christmas Day, if we are all feeling well and not like walking diseases.

• Since my pipe dream of being free of nausea & vomiting by Christmas isn't going to happen anymore, I'm shooting for New Years. PLEASE SANTA, PLEASE!

• One handy thing about living in cold weather state is that you can hide all manner of fashion sins with a nice wool coat. What I wore to the library yesterday: blue workout pants, black too-low cut v-neck t-shirt with white nursing bra showing, and a kind of ugly brown wool cardigan. What I looked like at the library: a fashionable yet sporty mama in a long black fitted wool coat with a pink pashmina. I felt the same way about my lab coat, during my lab-coat-wearing years.

• Have I ever told you about the time I sewed tiny bells into the lining of my sister's robe when I was young (like 7-ish)? I don't remember where I got the idea, but I do remember the moment I saw the bells in my mom's sewing kit and knowing that something had to be done with them. So I carefully sewed them into the seams where she wouldn't feel them, but could still hear the jingle when she walked. My plan worked out brilliantly. She would put on her robe to go eat breakfast and hear this little tinkle, tinkle and not know where it was coming from. I kept quiet about this for DAYS. I envy that child's patience and fortitude. Then I tried doing it to Husband's flannel-lined jeans last year and he figured it out in about 20 minutes. Mostly because I was rolling on the ground laughing. And then he refused to leave the the bells in. Something about not wanting to be a man that jingles. PARTY POOPER!

• Right now I'm in bed watching the Today show while Husband is with Bella downstairs. Heaven! Well, heavenly except for the fact I just puked. Post-puke heaven!

• So speaking of the Today show, have I mentioned on here that we don't do TV with Bella? Actually, I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned it on here, because I know that I always feel eye-rolly towards parents who are like "My child won't watch TV until she is 2, thankyouverymuch!" But, yeah. We are trying to avoid any TV until 2. So that is a piece of info that I keep waaaaaaay on the down low. Anyway, we were trying to avoid TV until I attempted to let her watch some in my desperate pukey days. Guess what? She's not interested. She will watch for maybe 10 minutes tops and then go get a book and ask me to read it. So I just wanted to caution you parents out there - there are perhaps just as many risks to not letting your kids watch TV as there are to letting your kids watch TV. My dream of letting Sesame Street entertain B come July is slipping through my fingers.

• Interestingly, Bella can tell you who Dora is and point her out on things, despite never ever seeing the show, just because Dora is that omnipresent. Cah-razy.

• I bought myself that hippie crystal deodorant at the co-op and am putting it in my stocking. I read the package at the store (Am I the only one who nearly always reads the package on things like deodorant and shampoo? What is this?) and it said something along the lines of, "IMPORTANT: Product must be applied to clean skin to work." Ha. They know their consumer. Not that I don't shower everyday!

• Of course I don't shower everyday. Are you kidding me? But it's totally for environmental reasons, so is a noble act. Nothing to do with laziness at all. Nosiree.

• I like how I'm all persnickety about deodorant use during pregnant (and bonus fact - I don't do nail polish during pregnancy except maybe ONE pedicure late in the third trimester), and yet I ate myself some summer sausage yesterday and plan to get my hair highlighted in a month or so. Riddle me that one!

• Want to know more about Husband and his eggnog shenanigans? He drinks it warm. WARM. Like he will pour a glass out and then let it sit for an hour before drinking it. That's just...not right. Not right at all.

Snot Nosed Family

Hieeee!

I keep having moments where I think, "Oh! I should blog about x/y/z!" but then when the moment comes to blog I find that sleep is the more pressing issue.

Because I'm sick. With a cold. Which spells doom when you are pregnant and still dealing with morning sickness. BLLLLEGGH! That was me spontaneously and dramatically dry-heaving...again.

And Husband is sick. Which is never good because Husband doesn't do illness very well. He is also such a fussy pants when it comes to the egg nog that he drinks that it's pure ridiculousness. But that is neither here nor there.

Bella is sick, too. And teething. And a toddler. Hoo boy!

We are a family of woe. And I'm sans blogging mojo.

Um, give me something to blog about. Anything random you want me to blab on about?

Byeeeeeeeeee.

Bumpdate: 12 Weeks

Due Date: July 2, 2011. 28 weeks to go!

Weight Gain: No change in the past few weeks and still down a few lbs. Ambitious candy/cookies/dessert-eating started this week so weight gain will begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, NOW!

Symptoms: The morning sickness has mellowed to the point where all those traditional remedies actually help (but I won't touch ginger with a 10-foot pole since it reminds me of being super nauseous). Still not done puking, though. Another epic event yesterday of heavy-duty dry heaving that culminated with peeing myself (am I alone in this? anyone else a pee-when-puking-preggy?). There's the other usual symptoms - fatigue, the ability to smell EVERYTHING, and being oh-so-emotional about really dumb things (uh...Nicole Richie & Joel Madden's wedding pictures causing tears? RE-HE-HE-HEALLY?)

What's different this time: Sleeping on my stomach and back is already getting uncomfortable, which is weeks earlier than last time. Stomach because of the old uterus and back because I can't breathe normally.

Cravings: Coke Zero. Mostly for the bad-ass thrill, I think.

Aversions: Keeps getting better. I'm forcing down veggies pretty regularly, but they all taste like old, dead leaves. Which....I suppose lettuce-in-a-bag actually is.

Sleep: Not as great this week due to some wake-ups from Bella and I've also been going to bed later at 10-10:30 pm (we were devouring Mad Men Season 4), which means I don't get more than 7 hours. Not enough for me.

I am loving: Christmas almost being here.

I miss: Cooking & being a foodie.

I am looking forward to: Getting into the actual bump stage so I don't feel so awkward in my clothes (regular clothes are fitting weird and my maternity clothes are way too big since I weighed more last time). I could pick up some maternity clothes in a smaller size, but since those would only fit for a few weeks I don't know if it makes sense. And the Bella band does not work when you are up and down off the floor with a toddler all day long. Meh. Feel kind of ugs.

I'm spazzing about: Not getting the NT scan this week. I had to cancel because Bella is sick and I don't want to be spreading her germs to a baby-sitter (plus Husband could not cancel a work meeting in order to be with her). I had mixed feelings about getting the scan in the first place and only went for it for the ultrasound, which isn't really appropriate. However, the midwife oddly encouraged it - probably because they don't do more than the one ultrasound during your whole pregnancy at my clinic. Anyway, I now have to wait until February to see the baby, but I'll get to hear the heartbeat on doppler later next week. I'm just a little sad not to get that reassuring confirmation of seeing the baby.

Best moment this week: Watching a whole season of Mad Men.

Milestones: I'm at 12 weeks! Almost to the safe(r) zone and a land free of dry heaving.

Movement: I continue to feel something and I'm just going to go ahead and call it movement...except I'm not sure.

It's a...: Baby! I'll let you know in Feb.

Exercise: One prenatal yoga class and that's it. Sigh. I'm frustrated with myself & my lack of energy, which is probably partially related to NOT exercising. I was afraid of this happening. I was exercising very regularly prior to getting pregnant, including running a few times a week. But morning sickness and fatigue got in the way and now that the sun goes down at 4:30, I've lost my mojo. The only practical time for exercise is Bella's naptime, and I find myself napping/relaxing during that time these days. Can't decide if I should cut myself a break for another couple weeks or buck up and get disciplined about exercising during naptime. Any ideas for me?

Diet: A lot better, but room for improvement. Chances are that as all the veggies get re-introduced, so will all the sweets. C'est la vie!

Goals for the upcoming week: Exercise 3 times for at least 30 minutes. And actually DO IT.

Belly Shot:

A Day in the Life of an Elf at Minneapolis Macy's

[Edited to add: I went to this display again this morning on Friday, Dec 17 and it was pretty crazy. Lines, lots of people, kind of a pain. I imagine it will get worse next week when the kids are out of school. So visitor beware! Also, the Macy's parking ramp voucher thing only works if you spend $20 after 4 pm on weekdays or any time on the weekend.]

Looking for a free holiday activity in the Twin Cities? Check out the Day in the Life of an Elf display at the Macy's downtown. (You do need to pay for parking, but if you park in the Macy's ramp and spend $20 at the store, then you get free parking. But make sure you ASK THE CASHIER for a voucher or you will be left paying $7 for a mere one hour of parking and will want to weep.)

These pictures are kind of terrible. I reallllly need to learn the manual settings on my phone. New Year's resolution, maybe? But in spite of the sometimes-flash and sometimes-no-flash pictures, you get the idea of our visit. It's a really cool and magical little place.
You walk down a hallway that twines around individual displays which have moving characters. The trees in the picture below were all swaying back and forth and singing (a little scary!).



Because all music needs to be danced out, here is Bella doing her classic leg-kick thing by the trees.
We also visited Santa while we were there since there was NO LINE. I repeat, NO LINE. So now we have a picture of Bella with Santa and I feel like I had a classic parenting moment. Someday I'll scan the picture. (That's probably a big lie.)

I'm going to make Husband go again with us on Friday. Maybe we'll see you there? Oh! And we are going to try to do the Hollidazzle parade one evening before it's over, but I'm holding out for a warmer day. (For those non-Midwest folks, I'm talking about temps in the 20s.) (No, I don't know why we live here either.) (Have I mentioned the 20" of snow we last weekend?) (The epic snowfall that continues to plague me every time I drive anywhere?) (Anyway.) (Enough parentheses.) (For now.) (Bwahahahaha.)

And one more picture, because I think it's cute. This is my little teapot, being tipped over and poured out. Obviously she got real steamed up and shouty first. Also notable - this picture was taken during that 20" snowstorm. Not that you can tell it's snowy outside or anything.

Sister Guest Post: Parenting 101

[My sister agreed to another guest post as she nears the end of her pregnancy. Her first two guest posts can be found here and here.]

We have been busy getting ready for baby, making sure we have clothes and supplies, getting furniture set up, and buying giant maxipads that I sincerely hope I will not have to use for too long. As far as the stuff goes, we’re in good shape, but as far as knowing what to do with all that stuff? I don’t feel nearly so prepared. It’s hard to believe that in a few weeks, we will be giving birth! And then allowed to take the baby home without supervision! The baby will cry and we will look at each other and . . . what?

Ack. The idea of going to school and learning how to do things appeals to me as a nerd. And even though I know you can’t really learn parenting in a classroom, I have been signing us up for classes. We took an infant CPR class, and an infant care class, and will be completing week 5 of a childbirth class this week.

The infant CPR class was kind of a dud. It turned out to be called “‘Family and Friends CPR,” and half the class was spent on basic first aid. We watched a seemingly endless American Heart Association video on what to do in case of cuts, falls, sprains, burns, bites, head injuries, choking, and about one thousand other maladies and misfortunes. The really interesting parts of the class were when the instructor was sharing his nuggets of wisdom. My personal favorite was “Ladies, go on a date night with your husband once a month. Otherwise, you get the disgruntles.” I definitely don’t want the disgruntles. It sounds painful. We did eventually get to the various types of CPR (for various ages), and I do feel better having taken the class, but mostly I just hope I never need to actually perform CPR on any family or friends.

The infant care class was a four hour class on a Sunday, and although I really would have preferred staying home and taking a nap, it was good to get some basic information on swaddling, diapering, bathing, feeding, etc. However, I will admit that when I got home at the end of class I maybe had a little cry. I will never remember the 26 proper steps of giving baby a bath! And we learned that massaging a baby’s legs one way is energizing, and the other way is calming. But I can’t remember which way is which! Alex very patiently listened to me blabber a bit, and reminded me that we will be fine.

The childbirth class has been the most interesting, maybe because it’s spread out over five weeks. This has given us more time to think about what we’ve learned, practice the breathing, and observe the other “students” in our class. It’s sort of fascinating to speculate on each couple’s backstory. Some seem very young and others are old timers like me (in their 30s). I’m sure they all think I’m a freak because

a) When the instructor asked if we had been practicing our kegels (she wants us to do 100 (!) a day), I said yes, and when she asked how many, I said the most I had made it to was 60. This caused a couple of women to make appalled gasps and me to quickly add, “But not all at once! Over the whole day!” But I’m sure all they think of when they see me is “Vagina Clencher.”

b) I have gotten a little woozy a couple of times when watching the birth videos. Both times, I just excused myself to the bathroom and considered throwing up, then returned as though it was just a sudden pee (a likely cover story during pregnancy). But I’m sure it seemed a little weird. It’s not the births that make me feel nauseous--those are actually pretty interesting--but any talk about veins, arteries, or shots, and I get a sudden sick feeling. The cartoon diagram of an epidural on the video was more than I could bear.

So, my education in a nutshell: don’t get the disgruntles and strengthen that pelvic floor. Squeeze!

[High time for my sister to resume her own blog, don't you think? Vagina clencher! Disgruntles! Hilarious.]

Bumpdate: 11 Weeks

(Totally stealing the bumpdate lingo from my internet-sister-from-another-mother, Blue Jean Amy. That'll teach you to copyright. Ha ha ho ho!)

Due Date: July 2, 2011. 29 weeks to go!

Symptoms: I'm feeling so much better! At least 75% normal. The nausea and dry heaving (true vomiting seems to have left the building) still happen, but it's mostly reserved for first thing in the morning and evening times. When I do have a passionate dry-heave moment, it's triggered by reasonable things like cleaning up cat puke, rather than weird things like seeing canned soup in a cupboard. And I'm also almost back to eating regular sorts of foods! Other symptoms are fatigue and getting super hot at night (I had forgotten about this one!)

What's different this time: I am not wearing any maternity clothes yet. I started at the high end of my usual weight range during my last pregnancy, which pushed me into maternity clothes by week 9 or something. This time I'm getting by just fine in my regular jeans...it's also helps that I've been rocking the pjs during these snowy & cold days.

Cravings: Quesadillas! Look at me liking food again. I even looked at a food blog today and read through the recipe, which is quite a change from me cringing at the sight of updates to food blogs in my google reader. I wanted to go out to eat for quesadillas, but (miserly, frugal-ish) Husband said most jovially, "Why don't we make them?" So I did (Me! Cooking!) and I even put sauteed veggies on them (peppers, onions and zucchini). Yes! Vegetables! And then I ate them for the last 3 meals and pretty much destroyed any desire to eat them again soon.

Aversions: Veggies remain iffy and weird things are very, VERY offensive in our pantry (like the candy corn leftover from Halloween...GAG). I also have temperature issues. I am happy to eat my organic spaghettios straight out of the can, but if you heated them up I would die.

Sleep: Still a sleeping beauty and loving the solid 8-9 hours I get each night (which means I go to bed at 8-9 pm, because of the real sleeping beauty in this house who likes to get up at 5:30 AM).

I am loving: Getting reaquianted with my old friend, food.

I miss: Having a full live-in staff to help me manage the household. Oh wait...

I am looking forward to: Getting an ultrasound next Tuesday!

I'm spazzing about: Getting an ultrasound next Tuesday.

Best moment this week: I had this sweet moment this week when I was walking on the treadmill. I looked down and noticed the little bump sticking out and I put my hand to it and my eyes filled with tears. I'm really excited to be feeling excited about the baby.

Milestones: Looking at cloth diaper options for a newborn.

Movement: I still feel like I'm feeling movement occasionally, especially at night when I'm reading in bed...but that's seriously not possible, right??? I must just be having tender feelings towards the movement of air through my digestive system.

It's a...: I would be willing to be a whole $10 that it's a girl. We find out in Feb.

Exercise: I did walk on the treadmill one time (lame, but met my goal, at least) and it felt good to ease back into moving.

Diet: Definitely much improved, but still has a ways to go to get back to normal. I'm just really proud of myself for resuming veggies and cutting out a lot of the weird-o crap that I wanted during my bad nausea days.

Goals for the upcoming week: Get all the photo calendars & books finished, finish Christmas shopping, walk on the treadmill at least 3 times, go to pre-natal yoga at least once. Maybe resume running?

Belly Shot:

Keeping Track

Today Bella had 5 pee-pees in the potty.

I myself had 7 pee-pees in the potty.

And one in the kitchen. While dry-heaving violently.

An 88% success rate is nothing to sneeze at.

But I best not sneeze right now. Because, well, you know.

My Year in Status

Do you all do that Facebook "My Year in Status" thing? Here's mine.

Click the pic to super-size.

Looks like it covered all the highlights: the baby, wine, Husband, the cats, neighbors, quality TV, my high-fiber diet and the daily mishaps of life.

Now you do it! And put it on your blog! Social media WILL TAKE OVER THE WOOOOOOORLD!

18 Months Letter

Dear Chicken,

You are now 18-months-old.

Not our best photo shoot work. For the record you weren't so into doing a chair picture this day and I wasn't so into getting a great picture. Let's look at some nicer pictures from that day instead.
Lovely! What about a close up on those fabulous shoes?


(I love those shoes. Even more than you love those shoes.)

You are such a ball of energy these days. Running, climbing, dancing, emptying things, sliding down stairs, picking up the cats...oh, the list goes on and on.


I'm going to go a little crazy with the bullet points this month, just so I can document exactly what you are like at this stage in your life.

• You continue to build your vocabulary at what feels like an astonishing speed. You put together 2-3 word sentences and are getting better at saying multiple syllable words (buh-duh-fly instead of buh-fly, for example). You refer to yourself as "Baby", but will say your name is "Beh-a" when asked. You are learning manners and have even said "No Sank You!" during mealtimes (which is a little better than you spitting something out and saying "Tastes bad!") I love our little conversations and it fascinates me when you tell me about something you did earlier in the day, either with me or with your daddy. There is just so much going on in that clever brain of yours and I'm grateful to get to peek in on your thoughts.

• We have started to work on potty training and you go pee-pee in the potty at least once a day. I'm taking it reeeeeeally slow at this point, but you seem to find the process fun. Maybe you'll be fully potty trained in a few months! Or maybe a year! Whatevs, baby girl. Do what you want to do.
  

• You are weirdly proficient at the iPhone and can scan through pictures, enlarge and reduce them and also play videos. Great party trick.

• You remain a good eater and are quite good at using your fork and spoon. You have been drinking out of a cup for months now, but we can put more liquid in your glass at a time without you dumping it immediately. You love dipping your food in things - salad dressing, ketchup, even soup. Current favorite food are clementine oranges, but blueberries remain something to squeal about.

• You are such a social girl. You enjoy meeting and playing with kids of all ages and will want to hold their hands (or poke their eyes). The other day at storytime there was a year-old baby who was crying. You became very concerned and told me, "Mama! Baby cry!" and toddled over there and tried to soothe the baby. I kid you not. You stroked his hair and then after I suggested you gently pat his back you did just that. You are going to be an amazing big sister.

• We dance everyday, multiple times. Your leg-kicking is your classic default, but you are picking up other dance moves all the time. It's hilarious and wonderful. Also hilarious and wonderful? Seeing the moves your daddy does when dancing with you.
  

• You think trying on adult shoes and clomping around in them is so much fun, especially daddy's boots or mama's high heels. "Too big!"

• You have the cutest head of ringlets in humid weather (see the slide picture above) that turns into loose waves back in dry Minnesota winter-weather. The lack of ringlets recently means your hair hangs in your eyes and it has necessitated the top-of-the-head ponytail look, which is the only hairstyle you will allow for any length of time.

• You are sleeping pretty well these days - 11 hours at night and 2 hour naps, give or take 30 minutes for both. We keep trying to push your bedtime back slightly so you will sleep in a little later, but you aren't interested in sleeping in much past 5:30 AM. So we roll with it and your bedtime is generally around 6:30-7 pm at night. Naptime is 11:30 am.
  

• You can count to 10 and seem to actually get the concept of counting objects. You are now getting interested in letters and what they mean. I can't wait for you to open up the big magnetic letters we got your for Christmas.
  

• You can get yourself easily down the stairs now by sliding down on your tummy, but you do this hilarious thing sometimes where you get down flat on your belly a few feet away from the start of the stairs and then have to push yourself across the floor.
  

• You are getting your first taste of playing outside in the winter. You aren't crazy about the cold, but are still happy to get to play outside. Sorry about living in Minnesota, babes.
  

I think that about does it for right now. You are a joy and such a bright light in our lives. We love you to bits and pieces. Can't wait to see what you are going to surprise us with next.

Love,
Mama

From warmer times...

Scenes from a Marriage: Things that go pee in the night

2:30 AM - Laura wakes up to pee now that she's being all hydro-conscious with her pregnancy. She opts not to wear her glasses (and is one of those who can't read the big E, let alone her bedside clock without ocular enhancement) and instead moves like a blind person about the house (think Mary Ingalls, shortly after she went blind and but before she went to her special school where she met her truluv4eva).

2:32 AM - Peeing complete, Laura tiptoes down the hall to peek in on Bella in her nursery. And by peek, I mean fumble around for the crib and then gently lay a hand on Bella's side to feel it go up and down. Because she might have stopped breathing in the night ZOMG SIDS! (Yes, she is 18-months, why do you ask?)

2:33 AM - Bella is sleeping soundly so Laura leaves the nursery and softly closes the door. Wait! Hark! What's that noise? Sounds like a cat is drinking water out of the toilet! OH NOES! Laura darts for the bathroom to stop the (blind, cleft-palated, sometimes-sufferer-of-ulcerative-colitis) cat Stevie from drinking the toilet water as that is a forbidden activity that will lead to certain doom (certain doom ranges from him sneezing kitty snot all over the house to getting aspiration pneumonia). In an effort to be most effective in getting Stevie out of the bathroom, Laura enters with her arms in the air, waving them around like she just don't care, and also whisking. (Whisking is a special technique developed by Husband back in '06 where you pretending to be the alpha cat and you hiss at the cat(s) for doing something naughty. Despite Laura's initial skepticism of this method- she felt Husband was just watching too much Cesar Milan - the whisking technique is very effective and has been adapted by the entire household.) In addition to the arm waving and whisking, Laura decides to throw in some clapping, too. Bad Stevie! [Clap, clap, arm wave, clap!] No toilet water for you! [Clap, clap!] Go back to your weird-o ferret bottles mounted on the wall in the basement if you are thirsty! [Whisk, arm wave, clap!]

2:33 and 30 seconds AM - Laura is finally a foot from the toilet and...EEEEEEK! DOUBLE HARK! THAT IS NOT A CAT DRINKING WATER FROM THE TOILET! Screams arise from both Laura and from Husband. Yes, Husband, who has been innocently peeing until he was interrupted by the frightening sight of his wife coming at him in an alarming and aggressive manner in the dark. Husband, certain that his pregnant (and currently not-so-mentally-stable) wife was about to puke on him, is now forced to finish his peeing in a state of high stress, putting him at risk of a UTI or perhaps a damaged prostate or something.

THE END

3 Years Since I Done Got Hitched

In honor of our anniversary tonight, Husband will be picking up take-out sushi after work (cooked & boring for me, although I bet you I will sneak a couple raw pieces and then be wracked with guilt all night...sushi often does taste best with a side of remorse. And yes, sushi does still sound good to me in spite of nausea/no appetite. It is a magical foodstuff.) and then we will probably talk about how tired we are and go to bed. Romantic!

I love you, my darling dear (and crazy and sometimes pesky and a little too full of household tips lately) Husband o' mine. The last 1095 days (minus the past 30 or so, which I can't blame you for...OH WAIT, YES I CAN! I shake my fist at you and your spermatazoa!) have been just what I hoped for in a marriage.

[It appears lengthy asides and excessive parentheses are a symptom of pregnancy, too. My apologies.]

How about you all re-watch my little wedding montage? Come on, you know you wanna.

Our Wedding from Laura on Vimeo.

10 Weeks Update

Due Date: July 2, 2011. 30 weeks to go!

Symptoms: Nausea & Vomiting (felt worse last week since I was no longer surrounded by relatives to pass the baby off on...but maybe getting better?), fatigue (I am literally in bed by 7:30 most nights, but stay awake reading & such until 9)

What's different this time: I am being a pregnancy rebel with things like deli meat, soft serve, and caffeine. Last time I was much more strict.

Cravings: Can't wait to have them! Miss my love for food. (For the record, that bologna thing is over and done, thank god. That was too much for my delicate organic/local/free-range sensibilities!)

Aversions: While most food remains nasty-cakes, I'm finding it easier to feed Bella meals. So perhaps the aversions are calming a bit.

Sleep: Still quite good. Thankful that pregnancy symptom hasn't started up!

I am loving: Plugging in the old Christmas tree and garland each night. Purdy.

I miss: Having family around to watch Bella while I rest.

I am looking forward to: The end of the first trimester in a few weeks

I'm spazzing about: Feeling behind on life in general

Best moment this week: Feeling decent today and not only getting stuff done around the house, but spending some quality time with my little lady.

Milestones: Baby v.2.0 is now a fetus!

Movement: Sometimes I pretend I can feel movement, but clearly that can't be right. It might be possible in just a few short weeks.

It's a...: I think girl and Husband still thinks boy. We are totally finding out. Zero patience for waiting.

Exercise: Got some great ab workouts in with my dry heaving!

Diet: I ate a whole baby carrot today in addition to waffles, a little yogurt, pita & hummus, chips & guac, and pizza. Sigh. It still sucks and is mostly food most appropriate for an elementary school kid who is a picky eater. But at least I'm trying to eat the organic version of things? Half point there?

Goals for the upcoming week: Here is where I put the exercise goal that I totally won't follow through on due to status vomitus...SIGH. How about I just try to walk on the treadmill one day this week. Surely that can be done.

Belly Shot:

The Beginning of the End: 10 Weeks, 3 Days

Maybe you've noticed I'm the littlest, teeny-tiny bit moody these days. [Husband will read this and bite his tongue. OH YES HE WILL.] One day up, next day down. Whee, a baby! Noooo.... I'm pukey. Sad face. Happy face. Laugh! CRY. Yeah. So. Guess what? It's happy post time again and less than 24-hours after yesterday's pity-me-fest!

I did some things this morning that are kind of a big deal. First off, I cleaned up our living room floor. Here is what it looked like yesterday.
Now it gets like this everyday, that's nothing new. However, I always clean it up at night. Lately though, it's been like this 24/7. That's not so good for the mental state. But that was yesterday. Look at today's living room!

A whole new world! A new fantastic point of view! [Hey - true story! There is video footage of 12-year-old Laura and 10-year-old brother Danny singing that duet to each other. Which is absolutely not okay and, yet, classic. There is also footage of Danny walking back and forth next to bee-infested daisies while Runaway Train plays on the boombox nearby. Direction for that music video was obviously provided by the brilliant me. Maybe it's time to get these things transferred to digital.]

So, anyway, I cleaned my living room. Not huge at all in the grand scheme, but a REALLY REALLY big deal right now. And then! YES! There's more! I...

• Made the bed AND finally shoved the big awkward down comforter into the duvet cover
  
• Cleaned up the bedroom
• Did a few loads of laundry (Folding? No. Thanks for asking, though.)
• Steamed some baby carrots for B
• ATE A BABY CARROT MYSELF (A cold carrot. No chance in hell I am eating a warm vegetable that is the color orange anytime soon.)
• Gave Bella a lunch that included two vegetables and one fruit AND I DID NOT GAG
• Put away dishes
• Finished decorating Christmas tree
  
• Made a to-do list
• Called the insurance company to ask some questions about benefits
• Made an eye appointment for myself
• ACTUALLY INTERACTED AND PLAYED WITH BELLA. Like, ON THE FLOOR, old-school style. (Old-school is referring to six weeks ago. Because the last six weeks have taken approximately six years to pass. It's opposite of dog years or something. We'll call it pregnancy years.)

Yes, I'm having a good day and I think this might just be the beginning of the end of morning sickness. Or, at least, all-day-all-the-time morning sickness. Sure I still puked first-thing this morning (again with Bella demanding a piggyback as I hunched over the porcelain throne) and I don't have much of an appetite, but I'm functioning. Functioning! It's like heaven. And to have these good days sprinkled in with the bad days will help make the bad days betters. Because I won't be feeling like crap AND having to look at my pit of the house. I can feel like crap knowing that I'm relatively on top of things.

I'm going to take the rest of nap time to sit back on the couch and read some more of Amalah's archives (my blog archive du jour) and admire the toddler-inspired Christmas decor in our clean living room. I think Martha would really admire the simplicity of decorating only the top half of the tree.


Speaking of toddler-inspired Christmas decor, Bella found my (totally creepy and maybe a little wrong) stash of positive pregnancy pee-sticks and decided they would add a festive touch to the bottom of the tree. She got six in there before I noticed what was going on.

I suppose it is sort of appropriate. Christmas is all about a newborn, after all. Martha, if you are out there reading, what say you? Is it 'a good thing'?

9 DPO

[Since that last post is just too pathetic for words, I decided to also post today about the day I found out I was pregnant. Yay! Happy times! Days of eating! WHEEE! This was actually already posted over at Preggy Blonde, but sort of buried and I completely quit with the cross-posting of pregnancy posts, because HI too much work. Anyway. Enjoy. Especially the part about how I kept things that I peed on in my pocket all day. I really want you to enjoy that part.]

It's 5:15 AM and we are rushing, rushing, rushing to get the final things packed before we leave for our trip to Mexico. Between wrangling a toddler, feeding the cats, and packing those last-minutes things into the suitcase, I take a quick moment to pee...and take a pregnancy test.

I know it's early. Only 9 days after ovulation and I didn't even get a positive until 10 DPO with Bella. But they are just cheap internet tests and I have a little testing-addiction-problem to feed, so why not? I'm only half paying attention when I set the test on the bathroom counter and finish organizing the toiletries that we need to bring.

After a few minutes I pick it up and I see something. Where I've only seen the glaring white of NOTHING for the past five months and dozens of tests, this one has a something. A something. A baby? Maybe?

There's really no time for this, though. I put it in the pocket of my sweater figuring I can really examine it later (yes, I sure am putting pee in my pocket!) and rush back out of the bathroom to take Bella from Husband so that he can start carrying the suitcases outside. I feed Bella a little breakfast and honestly don't give the test in my pocket another thought.

Well, I don't give it another thought until I decide to pee one last time before we leave. This time I watch the test as it develops and there it is. Another something. A little more faint than the last test, but there. To get another positive without it even being the first morning urine...well that makes that something even more something-like.

I look up at myself in the mirror and give myself a little squeeee face, before shoving the second test strip in my pocket and running back downstairs.

For the rest of the day, I sneak those little tests out of my pocket and turn them back and forth, letting the light catch on the faintest of second lines. I will wait until tomorrow to tell Husband, after this chaotic travel day is over. For now it's my secret.

I'm pregnant!

10 Weeks, 2 Days: The Medication Martyr

[Just wrote this and read over it and...ugh, I'm so bored with myself and my plight o' puking. So maybe don't bother reading this one, it's pretty much the same thing that I wrote a few days ago. Actually, maybe don't bother reading me at all right now. Come back in 2011! I won't be so sucktastic then, promise! So, uh, happy holidays! Catch you on the flip side!]

[I mean it. This post is dumb and redundant and a little gross and not worth reading so look elsewhere for your bloggy kicks. So why did I publish it, you ask? Because it took effort, which is HUGE right now, and also, think of how fondly I'll look back on this wonderful and joyous time someday! Must be preserved!]

[Why are you still here? GIT! Fine. Proceed if you must. Don't say I didn't warn you.]

The midwife recommended that I try the B6/Unisom combo to help with my morning sickness. I have (OF COURSE) heard of this treatment a zillion times, but I never really looked to pursue it because I try to avoid medication. That's one of those sticky points that I get itchy blogging about because I feel like by saying that I avoid medication, then it implies that YOU TOO should avoid medication. But that's not how I feel. People, take medication if you need it!

Then why don't I take it? Because I worry. I worry worry worry worry. I worry about the consequences or the bad things that could happen and there are no absolute-without-a-doubt guarantees that it's safe during pregnancy and...gah. It's too much. I don't know if the relief that an anti-nausea medicine (or cold medicine or pain medicine or whatever medicine) will bring me is worth the mental spin cycle that will get turned on later. And so I am an obnoxious martyr. Endlessly complaining about my plight in pregnancy while not actually DOING much about it besides my all-natural (code for completely useless) remedies. Yes, the acupuncture is helping, but the last treatment didn't put much of a dent in the nausea. If anything, it got worse due to the little cold I have. And helping isn't quite good enough these days. My house is a mess, my ability to be a good mama is flagging, and this time will never stand out as a high point in my marriage. Life sucks right now. Just sucks. (Yay, happy to be pregnant! But...sucks.)

This morning I got up, went to the bathroom and threw up the water I had just drank. While I was leaning over the toilet, Bella was climbing on my back shouting "Piggyback!". She does that a lot. After I flushed, Bella leaned over the toilet herself and did a perfect imitation of my morning dry heave/vomit routine complete with spitting and wiping her mouth with toilet paper. It was horrifying and fascinating. She mastered the words "throw up!" and "Mama sick!" a few weeks ago and gets to practice them often. She no longer cries when I get sick, but instead will run over to hold my hand while I gag into the kitchen sink. The whole thing makes me sad.

So this morning Husband and I decided it was time to step it up a notch and get the Unisom. I researched it up real good on Google (shocker!) and determined that it actually was quite - or at least relativity safe - during pregnancy. So we went to the store and bought it along with my new-norm of weird groceries: organic spaghettios, lemonade, neon nacho cheese dip in a jar (I snuck that last one in when Husband wasn't looking).

Then we got home and Husband flipped over the package to read the warning and - hey! guess what? - it's not to be taken while breastfeeding.

I completely forgot about that part. And I think the midwife did too when she recommended it. And so my chance at relief slipped through my fingers just like that. I pretty much wanted to break down in tears and roll around on the kitchen floor in despair, but instead I calmly kept feeding Bella her green beans (gag me) and her portion of the organic spaghettios. I could tell Husband felt bad. I think he wanted me to feel better just as much as I wanted me to feel better.

Even if I were to start weaning right now in order to take anti-nausea meds, by the time I was done with that process my morning sickness would (hopefully!!) be almost done. The option of going cold turkey with breastfeeding is not an option in my opinion, because the hormonal hot-mess that would create ON TOP of puking and the usual pregancy hormones is hardly a desirable place to be, even if it did only last for a few weeks.

So. Here I stay on martyr hill. I'm almost glad that the decision not to be able to take the meds has sort of been made without me, so that I do have to sit there mulling over the, "Should I or shouldn't I?" But...gah. How many more weeks of "Mama sick!" can I take? How many more weeks can Husband take of me being a dirty-haired and miserable hermit? How many more weeks can Bella take of me just sitting on the couch while I half-heartedly try to play with her?

I just have to keep going. Nothing else to do but trudge through this time. I've been feeling like crap for over a month now, but if things proceed like they did last time then I should only have a couple more weeks of feeling really bad. Then I'll go to feeling kind of bad for a few weeks and, then, finally, sometime in the new year, I'll feel OK. Normal even. But do you realize just how far away that can seem when you feel like crap? Time flies when you are having fun and c-r-a-w-l-s when you are puking. Bah humbug.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock...

First Midwife Appointment: 9 Weeks, 6 Days

Today I finally (FINALLY!) had my first midwife appointment. While the ER visit last Sunday felt a little bit like a first appointment, it was hardly the sunshine and rainbows that today's appointment provided. (Although I will say that our ER visit was just about as delightful as you could get. I mean that quite seriously - each and every staff member we met was just great and we met several since our room doubled as the supply closet. I highly recommend you visit the Lee Memorial Health System Emergency Department in Fort Myers, Florida should you ever find yourself in the need for emergent care. Well, I guess I only recommend that if you are in IN Fort Myers. Otherwise, perhaps it might be best to visit the ER closest to you. Just a thought.)

Today's midwife appointment took a full hour and a half and very little of that was waiting on our own, which is sort of remarkable in this crazy mixed-up world of ours. This is one reason I LOVE seeing midwives vs. the more traditional OB-GYN route. More touchy-feeling cozy time. Right when we arrived we felt all welcomed and oh-so-special as the receptionist remembered us and was all congratulatory. Then the nurse took us back and did all the basics: height (measured in at just over 5' 8.5"...modeling career here I come!), weight (am currently dainty wisp of a person due to the pukes...should a dainty wisp comes in sturdy Midwestern sizes), and blood pressure (perfecto, per usual). When the nurse (who also remembered us, I might add) was done, the midwife came in. She was refreshingly thorough and had reviewed my chart so she actually knew what was going on with everything. We talked about my delivery experience with Bella and we were able to discuss our concerns about the hemorrhage that happened last time. Since there is a risk of it happening again, the plan will be for them to put in an IV line when I get to the hospital during labor, just in case I end up needing blood transfusion. This is no big deal for me and I don't think it will interfere with my natural/un-medicated delivery plans at all. (And for the record, I'm planning to go right to the hospital when I go into labor next time. With a 7-hour labor & delivery last time I feel like I'm at high-risk for delivering my baberoo in the car this time around. So to the hospital I will go.) After the midwife was finished with the talking portion, I got undressed and covered myself with the creepy half-sheet and I got a quick pelvic exam (tons o' fun! especially since I just had one on Sunday!) and then we heard that sweet whoosh-whoosh-whoosh heartbeat on the doppler.

This appointment finally made things seem really REAL and exciting and reminded me that being pregnant isn't just about the dry heaving. It helped pull me out of my funktitude and gave me the ability to see beyond the gagging. I plan to crack open the neglected Baby Journal book and catch up on baby's development over the past few weeks. The truth is that I've been feeling so lousy that I just wasn't interested in reading about baby's growing eyelids or losing it's (totally creepy, let's be honest here) tail. But now I'm all over that eyelid-growing/tail-losing stuff. Because there is a baby! In my belly! SQUEEEE!

Finally, a question. Should I do a Centering group? It's basically a group of 10 women who meet once a month immediately after your midwife visit to discuss how things are going and also some pregnancy/parenting topic. I didn't do one last time due to switching practices mid-pregnancy. My sister is currently doing one where she lives in Connecticut and she really likes it and I've heard good things from other women, but I don't know if it would be kind of boring since I'm a second time mama. Along those lines, though, the midwife thought I would be a great addition since I have all the experience with delivery, breastfeeding etc...and while I like the idea of offering advice (assvice?) and sharing my perspective with a group, I don't know if that's very useful to me. On the other hand, it seems like a good idea to give this baby some prime-time attention on a regular basis and that group would provide it. Plus it gets Husband more involved and I know he doesn't like feeling so removed from this process (THOUGH I WOULD GLADLY LEND HIM MY PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS IF I COULD, OH YES I WOULD.)

So...Centering Group: yay or nay?

First Tri Woes: 9 Weeks, 5 Days

I find it hard to blog about my pregnancy right now, because everything comes off as bitchy or whiny or ungrateful or just...gross. But blog about it I will, since that's what I do.

I don't feel as terrible as I did those days before I started acupuncture, but I still don't feel back to normal. I do this gagging thing often during the day (even more now that I'm in the comfort of my own home) and I don't even try to stop it. I find myself playing this weird game of "Would you rather" in my head, where the would-you-rathers involve things like choosing between a straight 9-months of the 3rd trimester OR one 3-month long pregnancy of a pukey 1st trimester (I pick the former and, by golly, I think hard about my answer). Husband is feeling all dejected and lonely because I'm not myself and I pretty much cringe everytime he tries to hug or kiss me. I just don't want anything or anyone near my mouth. That might trigger a gag/dry heave/vomit. Know what else might trigger a gag/dry heave/vomit? Let's bullet it out:

• The basil-scented liquid hand soap that I absolutely loved just over 9 weeks ago
• The sight of dishes in the sink
• The smell of any food
• The sight of food such as in an open cupboard
  
• The memory of foods consumed in the past
• Everyone blogging/tweeting/Facebooking about what they ate for Thanksgiving (ASSHOLES!) (I kid, I kid)
  
• Changing Bella's diaper
• Going #2 (Wha? TMI?)
• Bending over
• Walking to the bathroom in the morning
• Sitting on the couch in the evening
• Being alive during the day
  
• Your mother

OK, not really your mother. Just felt like being bad ass. But maybe it would include you mother if she does anything offensive like wear deodorant, drink water, or bake cookies. All those things are triggers.

As I leaned out of the backseat and gagged/dry heaved/very nearly vomited in the Target parking lot this morning (triggered by...I have no idea. Maybe I saw an old Cheerio on the floor? Or the effort of buckling Bella in? Was it the fact that the sun was at an offensive angle? Can't remember...), I was once again struck by how freaking HARD the first trimester can be. It's so relentless. I keep thinking that I will feel like this forever; this is the way pregnancy is and will be, forever and ever, amen. But I know it's not. It passes. Looking back at week 9 of Bella's pregnancy shows me that I felt this way once before and I have proof that I eventually felt better.

But eventually. That's, like, 20 years from now.

I am grateful for this pregnancy. I am excited. I wanted this and I got it and I'm damn lucky to be in this position. But it's just hard to conjure all that up when you are making hairball noises in a public parking lot at 10:15 in the morning.

Blegh. I told you. Am bitchy/whiny/ungrateful/gross.

Now something for those curious about acupuncture. I've done 3 treatments: two before our trip and one today. Since I am feeling partially better, but still relatively ill (she gave me a pity-look when I proudly announced that I actually sat at the dinner table on Thanksgiving), my acupuncturist did something different today. After my 45 minutes of chilling with 6 little needles sticking out of me, she put these tiny needles in my wrists that will stay there for a few days. Basically same concept as the Sea Bands, but way more hardcore. Here's a picture, but it might make you squeamish from my pale skin/blue vein situation and also the fact that I'm going to be walking around with small needles in my person for the next few days.I'm hoping they will be powerful enough to let me feel like myself again. At least for a few days.

If they don't work then I'm so going to try saltines in bed in the morning. I just heard that trick FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME EVER. *Headdesk*