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This week has been a hard one. Really one of my toughest weeks so far. The thrush returning pushed me to breaking point and to be perfectly honest, I'm not in a very good place right now. Nothing terrible, but I think all of my situational problems ever since becoming pregnant has worn down my ability to cope and I'm now dealing with depression or maybe anxiety. I can't say for sure it's related to the postpartum hormone changes, but maybe. For the most part I would say that I'm just burned out.
I'll talk more about my feeeeeeelings in the future, I'm sure, but for now I'm doing what I can to keep chugging along. I'm hiring a postpartum doula to help out next week during the day since the intense thrush treatment ends up being an extra 100 or so steps a day, often adding up to an hour or two of work. Plus I can't rely on convenience foods or take out right now on my restricted diet (think Atkins, but more cruel). I feel utterly silly hiring a doula with a 6.5 month old, but I need help and I don't have family available to help nearby. But maybe it's not so silly: one of you suggested a postpartum doula and so did a therapist I called.
Yes, a therapist. I need to start some counseling. I need a place to dump all these hardships without worrying about sounding ungrateful for my life so that I can feel lighter and more free afterwards.
So if I'm not posting as often or commenting on your blogs or answering emails - you will know why. I'm sure I'll still be on twitter and Facebook here and there, though.
Thanks again to all those who commented on my last post. Like I told the midwife, I have an entire community online who give me so much support and helpful feedback. Thanks a million, peeps.
Oh, I feel ya! I really understood when you said, "I think all of my situational problems ever since becoming pregnant has worn down my ability to cope and I'm now dealing with depression or maybe anxiety." I think the three moves and Buddy's torticollis just put me in a place that I couldn't handle anything else.
ReplyDeleteAll that to say, I am in the exact same spot right now. No family nearby. Depressed. And we aren't even dealing with thrush. I can't imagine.
You're in my thoughts and I'll definitely be praying for you. Enjoy the help this week. I'm trying to find someone to come one morning a week...great idea on that one! :)
Here's to crushing thrush!
Don't feel guilty for hiring a doula. And don't feel guilty about a therapist either! It is important to know when you need help, and all too often people reach that breaking point and then other 'stuff' happens. I am SO happy to hear that you are getting help that you may desperately need. Chin up and keep chugging along, we'll be here when you return!
ReplyDeleteI hope that all the extra steps you're taking help you kick this thing for good - and that the combo of doula and therapist help your mental state as well. So glad to hear you found some additional support!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've turned the corner and found the right combination of help. I live far away from my family, and I have no idea what I would do if my days became any more hectic than they already are. So happy for you that you've got a plan in place.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of good thoughts and hoping that the thrush is soon gone for good!
I'm sorry things have been so rough and you're in a dark time right now. You are doing a great thing by getting the help you need. I hope things lighten up soon and you feel back to your true self. Thanks for being so open and honest about your struggles, though. It makes the rest of us feel normal. :)
ReplyDeleteYou can complain here. I thinks it's funny. And usually true for me too. And if someone complains about your complaining (hello? they aren't being forced to read your blog!), you just hit delete. ;) [But I get that it's not worth the stress of worrying.]
ReplyDeleteThe doula sounds like a GREAT idea! I felt "off" until Marin was almost 10 months old. I'm seriously nervous about getting pregnant again - those hormones make me wack. Take care of yourself!
Uh, just read what I wrote. To clarify... I don't think that it's funny when bad things happen to you. Rather, you are a super funny writer, which includes when you write about bad things that happen to you. And laughter is the best medicine, right? But just so we're clear, I do not think it's funny when bad things happen to you. :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck! Thinking of you a lot and hoping that things improve. You're doing a great job considering all the circumstances right now. I think the doula is a wonderful thing, especially since you don't have any family close by. Use all the help you can get, that's what it's there for!
ReplyDeleteYay for the postpartum doula option! And yay to you for acting on your need. If you start to doubt and feel like you *should* be able to get by without help though, read this. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.uppitysciencechick.com/how_other_cultures.pdf :)
I'm so sorry that you had a hard week. Hopefully this weekend and next week will be better. My Project 52 this week was about "remembering our angels" aka my grandparents.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're taking the time to relax this weekend! Also, we got the kids the same paris mug when we went last october. :)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that you're having a tough time with nursing! I hope you and LO are both well soon. I can identify with the frustration of repeat sicknesses. I am in my 3rd trimester of my 2nd pregnancy, and I've had such a bad cough that I broke a rib. Not only is that unbearable with little baby's feet kicking said rib all the time, but this happened during my FIRST pregnancy, too! What?! So frustrating. So, here I am saying that it's totally fine for you to be frustrated and upset by the circumstances. That said, I'm glad you're seeking help that will hopefully bring relief to your situation.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your kind words. Means a lot when I'm feeling not quite like my usual self.
ReplyDeleteLish - I knew exactly what you meant:)
Laura - Such an interesting article! The mandated social seclusion post birth sounds dreamy... :)