Yeah.
That. Again. All over Oliver's mouth.
I cried a lot today. Especially because just this morning I had been thinking that we had finally, finally kicked it. I looked forward to just sitting on the floor and playing with the kids, rather than trying to keep Oliver's mouth off everything.
Is it possible to develop clinical-level depression or anxiety from yeast?
Gonna say it's quite possible.
So time to upgrade from what felt like a major effort into something other worldly in this here Battle Thrush. Everything a thrush-fighter could possibly do, I will be doing - diflucan for Oliver and I, grapefruit seed extract both externally and internally, vinegar rinses for nipples/laundry/entire house, probiotics for all, garlic and echinacea supplements, and on and on. And on. But the worst? The very worst of the worst? I have to restrict my diet in a big, bad ugly way. For a minumum of two weeks, but probs more like a month.
No sugar, no dairy, no wheat, no alcohol, no refined grains (bread, pasta, white rice), very little fruit (!!!!), no fermented food (vinegar, soy sauce), NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
Anyway. Bummer day over here.
Expect a post about being back at pre-baby weight REAL soon, though.
PS - Just realized this does not go along with positive in 2012. So, uh...pretend you didn't see this.
UGH! That is such a bummer. I am so sorry you are having to deal with thrush. What a monster! At least you kept with the positive 2012 goal and thought about how fantastic you will look after only eating veggies and meat for a month. :) I hope the thrush monster leaves you soon.
ReplyDeleteI have a positive for you in this time of feeling overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteOliver is lucky enough to have a mom who DOESN'T GIVE UP! You are amazing. Your dedication to nursing your boy through all of this is awe inspiring. Rock on!
- Molly (your sister's friend) :)
I think not killing yourself is pretty damned positive after months of thrush.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Are you against some meds from the Dr or did I miss something?
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, your poor girl! This is getting kind of ridiculous, really! Depression/anxiety at this point is TOTALLY warranted. This may be a really annoyingly naive suggestion, as I haven't dealt with thrush personally and I am sure you have thought of EVERYTHING under the sun to find a solution, but could you give him a bottle of expressed milk until it is healed? Or even a bottle of formula at this point just to save your sanity?
ReplyDeleteThanks, guys.
ReplyDeleteIrish Twins - No, not opposed to meds at all, which is why Oliver and I will be doing Diflucan even though symptoms are relatively mild for both of us. The pediatricians at the clinic are (oddly) very reluctant to try anything other than Nystatin (we've done this 3 times, shown to only have a 46% success rate) and a weird single administration of gentian violet (not how any literature recommends prescribing it). Coincidentally, I'm starting with a new ped for Oliver's 9 month appt :)
Mama Tully- I have recently begun to consider stopping breastfeeding, but there would still be heaps of work re: thrush mgmt without it. And when it comes down to it, I really don't want to stop breastfeeding. The problem with pumping/expressed bottles is that the thrush builds quickly and passes into the milk anyway so no steps are saved. Freezing doesn't kill the thrush so I can't store anything and I also need to sterilize every single pump part. This is part of the reason why thrush is so mind bogglingly frustrating! There is no easy way to avoid it once you get it!
Oh my gosh, I am sooo sorry. I know you are doing everything possible for the thrush, but let me toss this out there...can your OB/midwife recommend a Dr for you to see re: the depression/anxiety? Even if it's just a short-term need until you get past the yeast monster, don't think you have to go through it alone. There are meds that are compatible with breastfeeding, and they can help you (and I mean *really* help you) get through this. It doesn't mean you are weak or in any way lacking as a mama.
ReplyDeletep.s. sorry for the ass-vice, but it is something I wish I'd heard sooner after my little one was born. I was holding it together on my own, but once I got treatment, nothing felt quite so insurmountable any more.
So sorry about this! It seems like there must be a mothering award for perseverance! I hope it goes away soon, and for good.
ReplyDeleteThis sucks and I am so sorry! I would have lost it after episode two of thrush. No, I probably would have lost it after episode one. Any placenta pills left? It would be interesting to see if those would help this long after the delivery/initial postpartum phase.
ReplyDeleteI think when you have been battling thrush for as long as you have, you deserve a rant once in a while. I don't want to see any more posts about thrush though- because it will FINALLY BE GONE!!
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty tough to be positive with that going on. Would you consider trying some homeopathics along with what you're doing? It wouldn't hurt. I'm not 100% sure I believe in them--seems a bit hocus pocus, but in desperation, you know?
ReplyDeleteThank goodness vinegar is cheap, eh? I hope better days are soon here. love, Val
Oh goodness, I can't believe it's back again! So sorry to hear this... you are amazing for continuing to deal with this despite everything else... a toddler, not sleeping, etc. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteOh hon, I remember when you freaked over my comment of having thrush for 3 months. I agree, it's time to pull out the big guns (diflucan).
ReplyDeleteHere's what else I did/sounds like you're doing most of them:
Started making my own whole milk yogurt (crockpot method. Easy peasy)
Strict anti-candida 'diet' for myself using myfitnesspal to track sugar (also drank diluted apple cider vinegar with 'the mother' and used coconut oil for cooking/eating and slathering on nips as needed)
Followed Dr Newman's thrush protocol for babe and I (vinegar, GSE in laundry, sunning nips if able, no cloth dipes/wipes etc)
I very rarely, if ever crave sugar anymore. I have used stevia on occasion in oatmeal.
I've heard that L-glutamine helps curb sugar cravings, but I don't speak from personal experience with that.
Good luck killing those yeastie beasties!
Again - big thanks to you guys leaving comments. Brightens my day.
ReplyDeleteLaura - I keep going back and forth about whether I need to seek treatment. Because when the thrush stuff is gone, I feel so capable and able to tackle life. But when it's back, I get so full of despair at the 2 extra hours of sheer STUFF to do each day. Can a person reasonably take medication for feeling overwhelmed when overwhelmed feelings are reasonable? Esp when it's a short term thing that will (theoretically) end? Yes? No? So confused. But as I type all this out, it makes me think I should perhaps just talk to a provider and see what they think. Anyway - great to hear that you felt better after meds!! Was this with baby 1 or 2?
Crystal - GENIUS idea! I took two last night.
Val - Would you mind telling me more about what you mean by homeopathics? I am doing many supplements - grapefruit seed extract, garlic, echinacea. Is there something more? Open to everything and anything!
Rashell - Would you be willing to let me pick your brain further? I was just thinking about you yesterday with your advice/comment left a few months ago. Would love to hear more about how you sterilized everything like bigger toys/floors/etc. Plus have diet questions. Anyway, thanks for your help & commiseration since I know you fully get it!
Yep no prob. I don't have a blog or anything but rashellrogers@gmail.com is fine.
DeleteLaura, just wanted to add re: your back-and-forth with the other Laura that I've had the exact same thought process you're describing (except not about thrush, thank you universe, let's keep that up). The depression and anxiety I've experienced have always had a clear and totally reasonable cause. (The biggest and longest bout was because of my existential crises about my career plus a huge load of very real financial insecurity and responsibility.) So I didn't want to medicate it. I ended up finding a really awesome and extremely practical therapist who had originally trained as a social worker, so she was NOT trying to talk about my drama-filled family of origin or dreams and crap. I had several sessions with her. It cost more than meds (under my insurance, antidepressants would have been free while counseling was only covered 80%--this makes me furious). But it was a HUGE help in allowing me to process through what was bothering me, worst case scenarios, etc. with a person who had helpful suggestions for coping, was totally nonjudgmental, and was getting paid. That way I didn't feel guilty for whining or like I was overburdening her: listening empathetically was her JOB. I hadn't expected it to be so helpful but knew I needed to do *something* for myself.
ReplyDeleteSo, for what it's worth, that was my experience.
I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time with Thrush. I credit your blog with getting me through the first difficult month breastfeeding to go on and nurse for the entire first year. Has it been suggested / have you tried acidophilus? Also to help with the sugar removal.. Google using cauliflower as a rice substitute... I use it instead of rice when we have Indian food.
ReplyDeleteNever mind about the acidophilus I re-read and see you are doing a probiotic.
ReplyDeleteOf course, everyone's experience is different...but I would say, if you feel overwhelmed/weepy/anxious/pissed off in ways you can't control for more than a few days (given that you've already had some tough times during this postpartum period) it is probably worth talking to your doctor. Yes, what you are dealing with could hobble anyone, and no, the meds (or talk therapy alone if you'd prefer) won't magically make the thrush better, but it may change how you feel about it, or how dogged you are by negative thoughts resulting from it. Personally, I am now off the anti-depressants I was on. My son - my 1st - is 19 months old now, and I was able to go off of them around 13 months after he (and I) started sleeping through the night again. I tried a few times before, and I could feel the overwhelming emotions sneaking up on me within a day or so. Also, this was an eye-opener for me; my husband brought it to me and asked me to take it one night at dinner. Without his support, I think I would have toughed it out on my own... I'm stubborn that way. :) http://fcmc.weebly.com/uploads/3/4/8/9/3489838/edinburghscale.pdf
ReplyDeleteAgain - I'm so thankful for your guys support and willingness to share your own experiences!
ReplyDeleteMolly/Laura - You both make complete sense and I actually got in to see the midwife yesterday to talk about my mood and what options might be if I felt like I needed more help. After just talking I felt a weight off me so I think talk therapy might be really helpful right now. Thanks to both of you for taking the time to share your experiences.
Alice - What a compliment! Thank you. And I totally had cauli last night -weird. I did it roasted in a curried quinoa dish. Pretty good. I know you can do mashed "potatoes" with it, too.
Oh, Laura, I am SO SORRY you are still dealing with this. I have absolutely no words of advice, because after four months of being super OCD about it, I gave up. And, would you f*cking believe that it just...CLEARED ITSELF UP?!! I have no words. At 5 months, Lucy's mouth is almost completely clear.
ReplyDeleteI hope you FINALLY find something that works for you and O. You are one of the most amazing moms I "know"; so many people would have given up on breastfeeding long ago. Whether you stick with it or not, you deserve a medal. Sending you hugs and all the support in the world - thrush is evil.
Noooo! I second (or third) therapy. Several years ago when I learned I had grave's disease and then spent the following two years trying to resolve it, I became very depressed for lack of control over my life. The experience brought all kinds of other issues to light, and it was a pretty dark and lonely place there for the better part of a year. Therapy was life changing and saved my marriage (among other important things!). If you're wondering if therapy would be helpful, I think you should follow that feeling and find someone you like and trust to work through all of this. I'm really sorry that you (and the kids, and Husband) have to struggle with this--it sounds infuriating. I hope you find some peace soon!
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteI’m no expert in these, but I think you might find some help with useful homeopathics if you could find a chiropractor who sees moms and babies, or one who is into alternative crap. It’s not crap, but you know. It goes off the beaten track a little, and yet sometimes it seems to help.
We’ve also used Bach Remedies for emotions. Sometimes life gets intense and there are feelings that go along with it that are hard to cope with. You could google Bach Remedies and read the descriptions—that’d tell you which one/s might help. You can order them online or get them from herb type people. A chiro who has homeopathics might have Bach Remedies too.
I don’t know for sure if they helped or not, or if it was all placebo love, Val
gah, my baby got diagnosed with Thrush today and i immediately thought of this blog. I too have a toddler and newborn to look after, and now i'm feeling completely panicky and overwhelmed to also deal with thrush on top of everything else that needs to be done during the day. Docter also screened me for PND, and ordered a blood test to check for thyroid issues. Wohooo! So yes, I feel your pain and want to say thanks for your honest posts about the not so wonderful side of motherhood.
ReplyDeleteOh, Anonymous, I'm so sorry. It's exhausting. But the chance of you guys getting caught up in this kind of epic battle is low. No need to go all crazy off the bat, but do consider some baby probiotics for baby and high quality probiotics for you to stave it off once you get it managed. Good luck!
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