Thursday, May 31, 2012

Second Date: Too Soon to Go All the Way?

You're supposed to wait until the third date, right? Or is it the fifth? How many times are you supposed to see someone, spend time with them in person, before going all the way?

Two is too soon, probably. It wouldn't work out. Cow, milk, free, all that.

Except...what if you let date two be THE BIG DATE and then it ends up working out just smashingly? Like love, marriage, two kids in a baby carriage smashingly?

(Hypothetical. Cough.)

So. There's a house. We think it's THE house. We have only seen it in person once, though there has been time stalking it's Facebook profile, a.k.a. it's MLS listing, before that first date and after. When I looked at it online, it seemed okay, maybe better than okay, a possibility, anyway.

We saw one house on Monday this week in the morning. It was one that Husband has had his eye on. I never really cared for it and seeing it in person only intensified that feeling. Not for us. On the drive out to see two more houses that afternoon, I was in a funky mood. I had a headache and was tired after the hectic birthday weekend. As we got closer to the house and I saw the neighborhood, I was turned off. Didn't seem like a good fit at all.

But then we got a few blocks closer and pulled into the driveway.

The way I felt the moment I opened the car door was surprising and unexpected. Like my senses turned sharper and all I could hear were birds chirping and the wind rustling gently through the trees. It felt right. I was in a crappy mood and yet this place felt right. And then we went inside and it just got better (the entry! the kitchen!). And better (the mudroom! the great room!) and better (the walkout lower level!) and better (the bedrooms! the laundry room! the master bath!) And then we checked out the backyard and WHOA. Tingles.

Tomorrow we will see it again. And if we are still feeling that this is it feeling, we will go all the way. Make the offer. SCARY. But freaking exciting.

And yet, isn't it too soon to fall in love? Shouldn't we play the field? See a bunch more people houses before settling down?

Except...I think this is it. I think I just know. We just know. It's a gut feeling right? The kind of gut feeling that has you throwing caution to the wind and just doing it, second date or not.

Since we have been itching to move for a looooong time now and have looked at hundreds of houses online, we have a very clear idea in our minds about what it is that we want. We have spent many an evening talking about it over the past few years and also thinking about what it is that doesn't or won't work for us, usually in relation to this current place. After that exceptional first date with this potential new house, we officially made a list of what we want and/or "need" in our future home.

The need list:
  • A feeling of privacy from neighbors. Husband talks about walking out back in his robe. This seems suspect because I haven't seen him WEAR a robe in years, but I get what he's saying. He wants to feel like he could do that. And I feel the same way. I grew up in the country. Closing blinds before changing clothes is still not second nature to me, much to Husband's dismay. I want a place where I can feel comfortable and not like our family is on display.
  • Nice sized yard for the kids to play in. I'm talking sprinkler running, swing set playing, ball throwing kind of space.
  • Able to walk or run or bike from the home for some distance. This was very important to me with moving to the suburbs. I do not want to feel entirely car dependent to the point of not being able to exercise outside without it.
  • A functional space for storage and organization. YES, PLEASE.
  • Big playroom, ideally one with windows
  • Bedrooms on the same level
  • Private master bathroom
  • Great room feel/flow; the ability to be in the kitchen and still be able to see the kids.
  • Reasonable commute - the shorter the better
  • Space for cats. We want the litter boxes far, far away from main living space.
  • A functional entryway with space to put things away
  • Quiet street
  • Extra room(s) for offices and/or a guestroom
  • Garage with space for both cars plus a little more storage

The want list:
  • Water feature like a lake or river or creek
  • Husband speaks often of having "land"
  • The ability to explore nature - like being next to a park, forest, etc.
  • Fabulous mudroom
  • Ability to clean to sparkly level (which probably means a newer home)
  • Fancy master bathroom with a jacuzzi tub, double sink, etc.
  • Area for husband's tools & home repair stuff
  • Craft/art area

Such a tall order. Especially trying to bring together the opposites of wanting a big, private yard and also sidewalks/walkable streets. Does such a house exist that isn't hundreds of thousands of dollars out of our price range?

As it turns out, yes. THE house has all that. As we walked through and it offered feature after feature of what we were looking for, it began to seem crazy. Or maybe we were being crazy? Just so desperate to move that we are falling for one of the first houses we see?

But it really doesn't feel like craziness. It feels right. It feels like a house that could be home.

So. Second date tomorrow. Since the first date on Monday I have spent much of my time dreaming about that place. What it would be like to live there. How all our routines would fit into that space. What it would be like at the holidays with family visiting or if we had friends over. What it will be like in 5, 10, 15 years. I have been looking at it on Google maps, figuring out the neighborhoods and what is close by and I'm pretty happy with what I'm seeing.

Now, it's not perfect. It's flawed just enough in ways that we don't really care about that it makes it seem real and possible.We have already gotten the loan stuff in order and all our ducks in a row (i.e. shaved our legs and whatnot) so that we can be ready to make the decision if it feels right.  We might be going all the way tomorrow.

Bow chicka bow wow.

Keep you posted...

Project 52:20 Magical


Learn more about my Project 52 here and check out styleberry BLOG for links to more Project 52s.

Um...I think I'm missing a week. And I totally forgot about this week until now. Whoops!

I love birthdays and I like to make a big deal of them. Not so much that I think there should be a big party for the birthday person, but more that I want lots of attention lavished on the b-day person the whole day. (And that would include me on August 8th.)  I want there to be a magical feeling to the day, a little bit of glitter over everything. And one of the very best things about young children is how easily that magical feeling can be created for them and how you then get to experience all that sheer delight with them. So cool.

I debated trying to coordinate a party for Bella, but decided against it because most of our families are out of state and while she has many young friends, most are of the casual friend variety. Plus, Bella was more interested in doing things with the family on her special day than having a party. So after offering her a variety of choices for the day, she picked going out to the Mall of America by bus & train (Metro Transit) and then a small family party with hot dogs, cake, and presents.

From the minute Bella woke up on her birthday she was in the best mood and continued to be the sweetest girl all day long. It was lovely and kind of amazing, to be honest! When Oliver went down for his nap at 9, Bella and I left the house for our hour-long journey to the mall. I wasn't sure if the fun of a bus and then train ride would wear off quickly, but she was happy the whole time (I also brought the iPad with some Dora which helped).  I think it's funny that the little train at the mall costs $3 per person, but an actual train ride was only $1.75 for the two of us. It's nice that we can take advantage of being smack in the middle of the city for these last few months of living here.





Once we were at the mall we went on rides at the amusement park there while waiting for Oliver and Husband to join us.  She had a blast.


We met up with Oli and Husband and headed to the aquarium. However, upon seeing the lines and noting how tired Bella was already getting, we quickly changed plans and just grabbed a quick lunch instead.

After nap, Bella's much loved 11-year-old cousin, Sol, her Auntie (Husband's sister) and her Grandpa (my father who was in town for business) came over to help her celebrate. It was really nice that they could be there - she loved having everyone around. She ended up not eating the hot dogs she requested because she was too focused on the cake and cupcakes waiting for her. Finally - it probably felt like 30 years for everyone to finish eating from a 3-year-old's perspective - it was cake time. Her rainbow cake was as big of a hit as I hoped it would be. Even though my cake decorating skills are hilarious, I feel proud that I gave her exactly what she wanted. She doesn't care that the cake was lopsided, frosted imperfectly and had sloppy frosting decorations. To her it was perfect. And that's the magical part again.




The day ended with some dance party time and then playing with new toys.



And that was her third birthday!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Bella Turns Three

We had such a great time celebrating Bella's third birthday on Sunday. I'll be writing up a full post about it soon, but for now, here is her video with the highlights of the past year.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Hodge Podge


  • I've been blogging lite (low fat blogging?) while I'm hard at work putting together the video montages for both Bella and Oliver's birthdays. Bella turns 3 in 3 days. I'm thinking about attempting this rainbow cake (or something similar) since she has been requesting "a rainbow cake AND cupcakes" for months.

  • Rainbow Cake at MarthaStewart.com
    • Are you on Instagram? It's my favorite of the social medias and the one I'm most active on. I'm navigatingthemothership. Tell me if you are on there so I can follow you, too. And while we are at it...you all know that any pictures you post there are public, right? Including pictures of you in your underwear. Capisce? If you want us to all see you in your sexy bra and undies, then good! Lovely rack! But if you just meant that for that special someone? Erm...maybe a private account? Anyway. That's my PSA of the day.
    • Wait, another PSA. JoAnn's is selling these wooden face mask things for $1 a piece. Bit hit around here. And I like that it's an art project that will continue to be fun for more than 5 minutes after painting them.


    • I fell just short of my 30 days of yoga and managed to do 27 days in a row of power yoga. I got tripped up when Husband's work schedule (and travel) meant that I couldn't go. I think I'll try again in the future to do 30 or 40 consecutive yoga days. I'm also toying with the idea of getting certified as a yoga instructor, not so much because I want to teach, but because I would love to learn more and do something learning-related without having to actually go back to school. I should see if I can somehow make that count towards my continuing education for being a dietitian..
    • Speaking of being a dietitian, I would like to start doing more information-based nutrition posts. Would that be interesting? Or douche-baggy? Both, I bet! I've been writing one in my head about supplements, particularly those for children and what I give to the kids, but like most of my posts, in my head it has remained.
    • Oh wait, I had one more bullet about exercising. I have decided to train for a 10-mile race in Stillwater, MN on July 14. I'm feeling particularly gung-ho to pursue some challenging athletic goals since I know there won't be another pregnancy to derail my fitness. Anyone else running that? I'll be using the Hal Higdon training plan and alternating yoga and running.
    • Speaking of there not being any more pregnancies in the future - I think I want a copper IUD for some extra security in preventing a future wee one. Would love to hear if you have personal experience with a copper IUD.
    • And one more about pregnancy - I don't have a lick of pregnancy amnesia. Like there is no rose-tinted memories about that time creating feelings of longing to be pregnant again and/or feeling sad that I won't get to be pregnant again. This was especially brought to light as I look through pictures from the past year while working on the kids slideshows. This was just about a year ago exactly. 
    • I DON'T MISS THAT BODY! And I'm not talking about the weight gain, though that was substantial. I'm talking more about the fact that I couldn't walk or sleep or drink water without it being all complicated and problematic. Everyday, even now, I am delighted at things like being able to breathe and exercise and chug ice water at 10 pm and skip a snack without major repercussions and not gag my way through the morning. I'm eternally grateful and lucky and so happy to have gotten to be pregnant twice in my life. And now I'm very happy that I will never have to do that again.
    • I'm feeling so burdened by keeping the house clean lately, especially the deep cleaning since we discontinued using a monthly cleaning service.  The burden feeling is partly because cleaning simply sucks, but it's also related to the fact that we never did much to improve this place so cleaning the house only brings that to mind. I can vacuum the carpet for 30 minutes and walk away thinking that it still looks dingy and gross. Same with cleaning the bathrooms and the kitchen. I know that moving won't magically cure my dislike of house cleaning, but I'm excited to make our next house into a home. It will be great to make improvements right away versus putting things off because "we're just going to move very soon." And I'm hoping that cleaning the new place won't feel so discouraging. Anyway, back to the point - anyone have a genius cleaning schedule or book or blog or something to help me figure out how to tackle cleaning stuff? I'm in need of some direction.
    • We are going to OFFICIALLY start looking at houses this weekend. We will be using a realtor who recently got certified. I'm hoping it won't be awkward because I have had sex with him like hundreds of times in the past. Oy. Apparently he's got what it takes though.
    • Here is what the realtor looks like: 




    [dramatic spacing]






    • HAAAAA. So! Here's a piece of news: Husband is now a realtor. This was very important to him (remember he has those rental properties?) and even though it has proved very challenging to fit into his schedule given his, you know, FULL-TIME job plus wife and children, he finally completed everything and is officially with a realty company and all that. I won't lie, this was a catalyst for arguments over the past year and a half but now that it's all said and done, it will be a good thing. And this doesn't mean a major career change, it's more so that he can buy our new home and sell the other properties (eventually, depending on the market). But now Husband can help you to buy a home, marry you, and bury you. Inquire within. 

    Sunday, May 20, 2012

    Project 52:19 Bodily Harm

    Learn more about my Project 52 here and check out styleberry BLOG for links to more Project 52s.

    This week was inspired by an incident a couple weeks ago where Husband accidentally stepped on my hand and I didn't even flinch. He asked me, surprised, "Didn't I just step on your hand?" I was like, "Oh, yeah. I think you did." I don't even notice it anymore since I'm so used to getting trampled on. Ha :)

    Wednesday, May 16, 2012

    The Great Minnesota Blogger Get Together - Final Date!

    Thanks to all who commented on what dates work for them for the get together! As you may have guessed, there was no one day that worked for everyone. We decided to go with a weekend on a late morning - that way we can have lunch at Sea Salt and if you so choose, start drinking before noon! I know weekends quickly fill up with family gatherings and cabin trips, but we're hoping you can carve out the time to hang out with a bunch of bloggers :)

    Date: Saturday, June 23rd
    Time: 10:30am-1pm
    Location: Sea Salt Eatery, Minnehaha Park
    Rain plan: If the weather is truly horrible, we will cancel and try for another time later this summer - check our blogs that day if the weather looks iffy!
    Contact us: erinkkr@gmail.com and navigatingthemothership@gmail.com - we both have iPhones and will be checking frequently that day.

    Erin and I both plan to bring our husbands and children, but you can come alone if you choose! Or, feel free to just bring your kids and no partner - we just wanted someone available to watch our kids so we can talk freely with the adults :)

    We'll post a reminder that week, but please comment and let us know if you're planning on coming so we can look for you at the park!

    Monday, May 14, 2012

    I like to move it, move it (Vol 2)

    Exercise: Still doing 30 days of yoga (a heated vinyasa style at CorePower Yoga) and I completed Day 20 first thing this morning. I'm proud of myself for sticking with this and I'm actually thinking about extending it to 40 days, although Husband's work travel schedule might make that tricky. Anyway, it's going well and I'm gaining a lot of strength and it has been a really good structure for getting me back into doing a daily meditation-type activity. Plus I'm getting close to doing a headstand on my own and that is exciting. I haven't done any formal activity outside of yoga - just too tired physically. Once the 30 (or 40) days end I will do a mix of yoga and running.


    Nutrition: Womp, womp. Ugh. My motivation to address my food intolerances has been low, low, low. I find it very hard to make dietary and exercise changes at the same time. There is only so much motivation to go around. So I've been eating gluten and dairy and sugar and look about 4 months pregnant all the time. NEAT! But starting today Husband and I want to get back to how we were eating back in early January. Basically a whole foods/unprocessed/organic, lots of fruits & veggies style of eating. Then moderate stuff on the weekends or when out to eat. Having a partner in crime should help. I will be making a meal plan that includes breakfast and lunch (rather than my usual system of only planning dinners) to give me a nice clear road map of how the week will go.

    I'll check back in on this stuff in another couple weeks!

    Sunday, May 13, 2012

    Project 52:18 Tears


    Learn more about my Project 52 here and check out styleberry BLOG for links to more Project 52s.

    It was the messages on the back of this card from the family that really got to me. And then my happy crying made Husband cry, too, and well, it was a moment.

    And in case you can't decode toddler portraiture, that is a family picture. Right before giving it to me Bella realized she forgot the feet so she quickly added them in. I like how feet get prioritized in her mind over things like arms or hands or bodies in general. So funny.

    Happy Mother's Day :)

    Letters to Oliver: 10 Months

    Little note first: Happy Mother's Day! I'm wrapping this (very late - whoops) post up as I sip coffee in bed while happy chaos reigns supreme downstairs. Lovely, lovely. And since I know this can also be a very difficult day for many reasons, I would like to send out some cyber love to anyone who might be having a hard day. To you I wish a peaceful and relaxing Sunday.

    Dear Oliver,

    10 months!


    You continue to be delicious and also gigantic. We now have some official stats after your 9-month appointment in mid-April. I don't have the exact numbers in front of me but I know that you are 24 lbs (87th percentile), 95th percentile for height, and your head size is around the 98th percentile. Big boy. I'm so curious about whether this will continue for your life. Your daddy can't imagine that someday you will tower over him, the way he towers over his own father (your "Papa").


    Me? I can very much picture hugging twenty-something-years-old you and only coming up to your chest. For now, however, I can still cradle you in my arms (sort of...when you aren't wiggling away from me!) and admire my wee little baby and kiss your chubby little arms and legs and face.


    This month we had a break from any teething and you held steady at 8 teeth. Since you didn't have any teeth to break your stride (or mess with your sleep), you were pretty much a cheerful and bubbly little guy.


    When you were at the pediatrician's office, the doctor watched how active and curious and just plain quick you are and she told me to baby proof EVERYTHING and that you would be walking before you turn a year old. But (luckily) you aren't walking quite yet. You are moving in that direction but don't seem to be in a rush. Oh, I am more than okay with this. You will be less likely to hurt yourself if you take it slow. Which reminds me - you already have 3 chipped teeth. Dude. DUDE. Please, Oli boy, BE CAREFUL.


    This month also seemed a bit calmer while you switched your focus to more of the cognitive milestones instead of the physical ones. This means you have a new interest in reading and also things like clapping and waving. So cute. A particular favorite new skill of mine is that will turn pages in books when asked, especially when we read your favorite - Brown Bear. I need to also document that you turn and grin at me after I say each new animal.



    We introduced you to dairy this month - yogurt and cheese - and you are a big fan, especially when it comes to cheese. You continue to eat a surprising amount at meals and you don't like it when you can't eat what I'm eating. You still nurse twice a day - and you are all about trying to move and wiggle and see what's going on while nursing, resulting in some ridiculous positions - and you also take 3-4 bottles each day (4-8 ounces).

    One of your favorite activities is taking a bath. You are less crazy in the tub these days, making it more of a medium-intensity workout for your daddy and me, rather than a vigorous aerobic workout. You do not mind water in your face or even dunking your head under the water. You will straight up stick your face in the stream of water coming from the spout and then pull back out and laugh in delight. (!) You are so content to splash up a storm and crawl around in the tub. I only have to tell you to sit down about 30 times each bath :)


    Interestingly, as fearless as you are in the tub and with water, you were less sure about the swings and about your daddy tossing you in the air until recently. You would get this slightly nervous face and look at me to see if it was okay. This has changed in the past month. Now you enjoy swinging and the feeling of being tossed up a little bit by daddy.



    Oli, you continue to be so naughty at times in the most charming way. I cannot even believe how cute you are when you are doing things that you know to be a "no-no." You have this particular face that you make when we tell you no. You scrunch it up and huff and puff a bit, but then grin and move on to something new.


    One of the funnier things you have begun doing is falling over on purpose when you are mad or tired. You will go from a sitting position and then just BOOM lean backwards and fall to the floor and lie there crying at the indignity of it all. I can't seem to convince you that this is perhaps not the best way to express your frustration :)

    You also do a similar fearless falling over - or launching off - thing when I set you on the glider armchair or on my bed. It has become a game for you. You lunge out at me and even though I'm supervising you, it is still scary and surprising when you do it. So far I'm at a 100% success rate for catching you, but HOLY POO is it certainly a little scary. You like to keep me on my toes :)

    You know, now that I think about it, there is something really sweet about the fact that you assume I'm always there to catch you. That it lets you fearlessly leap out into the unknown. That is right on track for a baby your age and just what I would want you to think. That I'm here for you, ready to catch you and protect you, and keep you safe.


    But uh...let's keep it more of a metaphorical thing and not so much an actual physical thing, yes?

    Love you, baby boy. So much.

    Mama

    Monday, May 7, 2012

    All I Can Do is Keep Breathing

    I wrote this a over a month ago. To be honest, I've been kind of scared to post it. But I think this is one of those things that (1) I just need to put out there and (2) might help someone a little bit? Anyway, deep breath and here goes. There is an update at the bottom.

    I smile every day. I laugh. I tickle armpits and smother the kids in hugs and kisses. I flirt with my husband. I grocery shop. I make good food for my family. Maybe not as often as I used to, but I still do it. I wash the dishes and fold the clothes. I pull myself together to look halfway decent when we leave the house. I organize and coordinate. I take pictures and blog. Sometimes I even cloth diaper and make my own baby food.

    I am myself. Or a replica of myself. A version of myself. But I don't feel at all like myself.

    Because every day I also feel doomed to this new life. Yes, doom. Even though I know there is nothing doom-worthy about two beautiful children and a loving husband and enough money and a thousand other great things. But all the self-talk in the world doesn't get the message in to my core that my life is good. There is such a disconnect. I'm feeling so scared that I will never stop feeling this depleted. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Beaten down. Miserable. And most mornings the first thing I want to do is cry.

    So let's make it official: I have postpartum depression with a side of anxiety.

    The sense of treading water has been with me for so many months now and I was sure that it would ease up with the better weather, with the thrush going away, more sleep, with the passage of time, with x, y and z. But my load is technically lighter now and the sun is shining and I only wake once or twice a night most nights and I'm still finding myself weary down to my bones and having to try to convince myself all day about how good I have it. Something isn't right.

    There are two song lyrics that pop up in my head, with a frustrating frequency. The first is "I'm half alive, but I feel mostly dead" by Jewel. This absolutely not a suicidal type thought, please know that, but it shows how dark I feel. I don't even like that song, but it's what I think of when I try to name my exhaustion. And then there is a line from an Ingrid Michaelson song that is with me all the time: "All I can do is keep breathing." It repeats in my head all day. Because that's all I feel capable of right now. To just keep surviving and waiting for it to get easier. Why isn't this easier yet? Should two kids really be this hard? Shouldn't I have had more than 6 good days since Oliver was born over 8 months ago? I want to do more than "just breathe." I want to feel light and more like I used to and not so goddamn bogged down.

    Something got depleted and off long ago during my tough pregnancy with Oliver and everything that has happened since has plunged me down to the point I'm at now. I cannot access perspective and hope no matter how hard I try. And then I berate myself for not being able to appreciate how good I have it and it all circles around and around. That's the anxiety piece.

    Those weekly parenting posts for Project 52 really clarified how crappy I've been feeling. Each Sunday I sit down to write it and feel stuck. Because the first thing that comes to mind when I think of parenting is hardly the stuff I want documented for life. Once I reject the first 5 thoughts ("Parenting sucks" usually goes right into the reject pile) I can come up with the happy parts of parenting, or at least something with more grace. But once again - it shouldn't be this hard. Week after week, it shouldn't be this hard.

    I'm not so far gone, obviously, when it comes to being depressed. This is not the scary, cautionary tale you hear about - the ones that make you gasp, they seem so awful for everyone involved. It's hard to think of myself as having postpartum depression and anxiety because I'm not an extreme example. I feel bonded to Oliver and haven't had any disturbing thoughts about him getting hurt/me hurting him. I'm still very connected to Bella and Husband and the world at large. So I'm not so far gone. Not yet. And it's that "not yet" that pushes me to do something more. Surely there will be a point where I can no longer muster up that last lingering bit of energy to keep treading water. Plus, I need to consider that I'm only half-living and it's already been weeks and months of that. This could go on a long time. And this is not a time I can get back.

    I've started on Zoloft. I'm hoping that the medication combined with weekly therapy sessions will be enough to restore me back to my old self. Back to a place where I have perspective and hope and all those things that let you float on your back instead of treading water. I want to be able to revel in this good life that I am living rather than fearing and rejecting it.  I want to be in a place where I can do a whole lot more than just keep breathing.



    *     *     *     *     *


    And back to now. I am feeling light years better than I did when I wrote this post. The medicine was exactly what I needed. Once the chemical imbalance was fixed, I suddenly felt like myself. I have had days and days that I would consider good days. After months of having only a handful of those kind of days, having weeks of them feels like such a gift.

    A few of you suggested to me in gentle and kind terms over the past several months that maybe I should consider medication or therapy or similar things. I wasn't quite open to taking in those messages at the time - I just wasn't ready to face the reality of it - but you planted a seed and that was important.

    Maybe someone else can recognize themselves in this post a bit and maybe it will plant a seed that there might be a way to feel better. I don't think medication is necessary for everyone, and certainly I was resistant to it for quite some time, but it's out there and I think we need to remember that. I prefer a non-medicated and more natural approach (hence freaky placenta eating!), but sometimes that is not enough. I needed/need that Zoloft to bring me to a place where I could begin to access the benefits of my regular approaches to ward off depression (exercise, yoga, omega 3s, vitamin D, etc.)

    Once again those weekly parenting posts have served as a barometer for how I'm feeling. I am struck by how easily my brain throws out 10 different ideas about parenting each week - and all of them are positive. Now I would have to dig below those positive examples to find the negative ones. It all still exists - the positive and the negative - but things have flipped. I'm quicker to feel positive, happy, light, and spacious instead of the opposite. I'm blinking back tears as I write that last sentence. This is maybe all coming across as very sappy, but I felt so very low for so long. My life and energy and joy is back. I'm grateful. To be connected to my great life, instead of feeling like a spectator, is worth everything in the world.

    Friday, May 4, 2012

    Project 52:17 Push Past (Perceived) Limits

      Learn more about my Project 52 here and check out styleberry BLOG for links to more Project 52s.

    Okay, so maybe that picture doesn't exactly fit the message, but I had to use it! Such a hilarious moment. The ballet leotard is the icing on the cake, isn't it?

    About pushing past those self-imposed limits. Today I had such a great experience - I finally worked up the nerve to take a yoga class that I have shied away from for years. It's called yoga sculpt and basically it's a heated power yoga class with weights. When I write it out like that it doesn't sound all that scary, but the people who took that class always seemed really intense. Hardcore. Lean and muscular and a little scary. So I doubted myself and my abilities and assumed that it was beyond me. But today I let go of those fears and went for it. I won't lie. I was nervous and scared that I would embarrass myself*, but it was fine. Better than fine. It was fun. Challenging and a little crazy, but I had fun.

    The other yoga milestone of sorts was that today marked my 10th day in a row of taking a heated power yoga class. I'm a third of a way through my 30-days-of-yoga pledge. I have wanted to do something like this for years. I tried to go for a week straight in 2005 when I first started yoga. Then I tried again in 2007. Neither time happened; I've never gone more than three or four days in a row until now. I had all sorts of excuses back then: I couldn't find the time (HAHAHAHAHA), I wanted to do it later, I needed to sleep, I had a little cold, I was too weak, I was too sore from the previous day, I hadn't hydrated properly, I ate too much/too little/too something, my exercise clothes were in the washing machine, I had beers to drink on patios, etc. Those excuses all hold true today, but parenting has caused a shift in me. Excuses are no longer as powerful in swaying me away from what I need or want to do. If I commit to doing something, then I have to do it right then - otherwise it simply won't happen. That "later" excuse is completely off the table for the most part. That has made fitting exercise in oddly easier even with less hours in the day. Also, exercise is a time that is truly ME time, so that makes it more desirable. But it's more than that. Since becoming a parent I have noticed that I can push past reasons that I can't do something - whether it's dishes or exercise or getting some boring to do item crossed off - and just do it. There is much less thinking and a lot more doing. I acknowledge the unpleasantness - the mental chatter of why I should try to avoid something - but it's only an acknowledgement. And I think that shift in thinking really did begin with childbirth.

    This doesn't always work (see: trying to not eat 1/4 of my daily intake as sweets, among 300 other things), but when it does work it's such a breakthrough. Parenting demands that you give so much, but it also shows you how much you have to give. I wonder if I will return to being a less motivated person when the kids are raised and out of the house? I hope not!

    *Speaking of embarrassing myself...I walked into the men's locker room this week at a yoga studio that was brand new to me. THANK YOU UNIVERSE that no one was in there. Because: locker room. LOCKER ROOM. Penis, people. I could have seen penis. *Shudder.*

    Thursday, May 3, 2012

    Great Minnesota (Blogger) Get Together!

    Hey Minnesota Bloggers! Erin from It's All Happening and I decided to coordinate a blogger get together for this summer. So basically if you live in Minnesota (or feel like driving in from Wisconsin) and you have a current blog, consider yourself invited!

    Photo credit to Erin

    We decided on Minnehaha Park and the restaurant & bar Sea Salt. This way we can cater to both the kids (if you decide to bring them) and the adults (BOOZE AHOY!). If you have never been to Minnehaha Park and the falls - it's a gorgeous place with a lot to do and see. And Sea Salt is an excellent restaurant that both Erin's and my family always enjoy. You can read Erin's restaurant review of Sea Salt here.

    Erin & family (pre baby Luke)

    Bella at Minnehaha park circa 2010
    We came up with several potential dates. If you are interested in coming, would you mind commenting with what dates work for you? Then Erin and I will put our heads together and come up with the final date and time. No need to comment on both blogs if you read both - we'll compile the responses together!

    June 6 - Wednesday Evening
    June 21 - Thursday Evening
    June 23 - Saturday Morning/Lunch
    June 24 - Sunday Afternoon
    June 30 - Saturday Afternoon/Early Evening

    Hope you can join us!

    Tuesday, May 1, 2012

    These are the Days of Our Lives: Spring 2012

    Thanks to all who participated in the Spring 2012 Day in the Life Series!

    While you are blog hopping around, might I encourage you to take a moment to comment? I'm guessing I speak for all of us bloggers when I say that kind comments are one of the best parts of blogging. And don't feel weird or creepy if you are a "lurker." I have made some wonderful connections to people when either they commented on my blog or I commented on their blog. Try it! And then you'll like it! (So says Yo Gabba, Gabba.) Okay, I shall step off my "Let's all comment more!" platform.

    Week in the Life-ers
    Two lovely ladies did the full week along with me. Make sure to check them out - they were willing to share the ups (and occasional downs) and fun and sleep deprivation that parenting & working part-time holds.

    Alicia from Minnesota


    Heather from Minnesota



    Day in the Life-ers

    17 of you this time!

    Rachael from North Carolina


    Bjorna from Minnesota


    Nicole from Massachutsas


    Caits from Minnesota


    Lish from Alaska


    Minnesota


    Carrie from Minnesota


    Minnesota


    Jo from Minnesota


    Montreal, Canada


    Erin from Minnesota


    Diana from Minnesota


    Amy from England


    Megan from Minnesota


    Jenny from Ohio


    Julie from Minnesota


    Andrea from Minnesota