I could use some help. I am finally to the point where I am interviewing sitters for a weekly 4-hour gig so that I can have free time for fun things like the dentist and also lazy coffee drinking (will take priority over dentist, clearly). The first time we hired a sitter who wasn't a friend referral, the woman ended up flaking in a major way that felt really icky (she up and moved with one day notice after committing to several baby-sitting dates just the previous day). This woman also had some less-than-desirable habits - like endlessly talking on her phone. She would talk up to 30 minutes at a time while she was feeding Bella. She wasn't even trying to hide it as I was upstairs with Oliver (this was when he was a newborn) and therefore could hear her. Anyway, I have a haaaaaaard time being assertive in these instances so I would rather be clear from the get go than be forced into awkward territory later. So here's my plan: I am going to come up with a list of expectations - house rules, if you will - so that everyone knows what's what right off the bat.
Here is where I need you help so that I can make sure to cover all my bases because I know I'll forget things or not even think of things. If you were to put together a list of house rules for your kids, what would they be?
And for those who nanny or have baby-sat - any words of wisdom for me? How can I best present my expectations without coming across as a major (you will forgive this word I'm about to use) douche-head?
THANK YOU!
I can totally understand where you are coming from but you will not come across as a dbag because you are the parent. I have views on this on both sides. I was a nanny for 3+ years before I had my baby. I promise there are people out there to watch your kids in your attachment parenting lines. :) I would suggest being there as you were at the beginning to see what they do. As a nanny the people I worked for set rules and then add as they went a long where they saw fit. Obviously one of the rules was not TV. I totally understood as they were hiring me to play with their kids. They had me babysit a few times and watched to see I was actually playing with the boys. The mom wrote out the specific schedule so I knew what to do when. It was useful at first because I did not know the expectations. She always prepared a snack for snack time since I was not used to her expectations. She let me know it was okay to play anywhere in the house and then their yard. I know this seems simple but again it was nice to have a definition. After a month or two I knew their routine and it was simple. If a problem or issue arose, my boss would approach it as I want to do this x, y, z.... I never talked on my phone unless the boys were napping or asleep. I would only do this after I had cleaned up the house and kitchen. I would reccommend looking for someone in college who is early childhood education or is pre med/ pre nursing. I am now a mom with a 2 and 1/2 year and another on the way. I let my babysitters know the schedule, I write it done until they are familiar with it. I let them know to water down juice (IE: one ounce of juice in 8 ounces of water) or just water. I usually prepare snack or meal. I let them know our naptime routine if they will be there for that. I usually do not allow anyone to do this for me until I fully trust them. As a disclaimer, I have my parents to help so they are the only people I let watch our daughter in the evening/put her to bed. I am sure I could do this with someone else once I trusted them. I also tell the babysitter what activities she likes best to give them some ideas of where to start. I tell them no TV. I am also only comfortable with them staying at out house and in our neighborhood. I suggest going for a walk in the neighborhood but usually suggest activities around the house. I hope this helps and makes sense. Good luck! Sorry for such a long post. :-)
ReplyDeleteI have a PCA (personal care assistant) that I have for Addison, and we've had the same one for two and a half years now. (I actually found her on Craigslist after I posted the need and interviewed a bunch of people). I don't have any great advice because I'm horrible at standing up for myself and what I might expect. Thankfully I got super lucky to have hired a really awesome sitter who just naturally does things the right way. I found out the hard way though not to ever write anything about her on my blog. I mentioned something offhand about her doing Addison's laundry with a new pair of jeans and staining a brand new white dress blue in a post, and then she never ever did laundry again. I realized too late that she was reading my blog long before I thought she even knew about it. Ooops. As far as house rules I usually take it one day at a time. I tell her when I leave what I expect for her from that day instead of laying down overwhelming lists of what I expect always. I feel a lot less douche to do it this way. Good luck with your search! I know how super overwhelming this can be!
ReplyDeleteI second writing out a schedule until a new sitter gets used to your kids. It helps her and it helps the kids too, who are more likely to be comfortable with someone new if they're providing what they expect when they expect it.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I make sure to say is that I don't want anyone else coming to the house when we're not there. Sounds like a big DUH but that's my hot button issue - my kids will not be around anyone I haven't vetted. I think a well-worded expectation about the phone is fair. It sounds like it will always be a daytime gig for now, so I think it's totally acceptable to say that you prefer extended phone conversations and texting happen on her own time. I'd also be clear about the TV: if you don't want the kids watching shows but also if you don't want the sitter to have the TV on in the background either.
Personally I tend to be a little more lax now that the kids are older. I try to have a "special" activity for them to do, or a special snack or something so they look forward to having sitters. I feel much more comfortable knowing that my little chatterbox will report anything untoward and I often ask benign-sounding questions just to see what they get up to (which is how I discovered one sitter was putting a movie on for the ONE hour she had to entertain the kids between dinner and bedtime).
I think it's a great idea to have this printed up ahead of time so that it is presented as something that all sitters get - feels less like you are giving that one individual a bunch of rules. Put out along with the list of emergency numbers makes it totally non-douchey.
Good for you! I think you should just be honest. Say your last sitter texted, watched tv, whatev and so you want to be clear about some things that are probably obvious. The no other people in the house is a good rule. But at 4 hours, once a week, I don't think you have too much to be worried about. W/o tv, 2 toddlers will keep her plenty busy. I think your best bet is to make her feel totally comfortable asking you questions b/c she doesn't know all your house rules and following a list kinda stinks (especially when the kids will behave differently for her than you). I nannied in college and had no instructions and it was fine. I'm betting once in a while the parents would have preferred I did something differently, but they never said anything. Gotta let some stuff go otherwise your sitter won't enjoy being in your home (and won't do nice stuff like your dishes b/c you only like it done a certain way or get upset if an accident happens). But I was an ed. major so I took it very seriously and tried to do lots of educational stuff. Hiring someone who might want you for a job referral later on is a lot of motivation to do a good job.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback!
ReplyDeleteAnd I think a big part of my conflict with making a list of rules (not that it would be THAT formal, but you know) was that it was stating the obvious and therefore offensive, but the fact that one woman didn't think twice about long phone calls while she paid half-attention to my kid (esp when she was only watching her for short 3 hour shifts!) taught me a lesson that my obvious doesn't equal everyone's obvious.
I think my big 3 are: no people over unless previously discussed (we would use her as a night sitter, too), no TV unless previously discussed (I am not opposed to TV for B at least, but I want it on my time not paid time :) and keep phone use limited unless kids napping (but quick texts or phone calls re:plans for later are fine).
And I never had to do any of this with previous longer-term sitter (lives too far otherwise we'd love to still have her!) as she was just with it from the start. More strict than me so it was never a problem!
I think I just got burned once and that made me very gun shy to do this again. Anyway, thanks again for chiming in, especially with the perspective from the other side. I want a happy sitter who feels motivated and enjoys caring for my kids.
We went through this process about 6 months ago. . . and our experiences were eerily similar. My interviews were extremely thorough, and I was able to weed out 5 prospects - which deserves a blog post. "Are you CPR certified?" "No, but most people don't know the difference between the Heimlich and CPR. You don't need to know CPR with kids...I'm not going to overhydrate your child." So, clearly the interviews were educational. For both of us.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I never found one that wasn't flaky. After two flaked out in moments of scheduled need, I gave up.
You're on the right path, and as long as you're conscious of potential douchebaggery, you won't be one.
I especially love the response above about communicating expectations each week, rather than all at once, since every week will be different. You've listed the biggies - the other points you need to address will probably make themselves apparent in the trial runs.
Good luck!
You might also tailor "the rules" based on the age of the sitter. I had a 7th grader do some babysitting while I did yard work and the amount of texting she did was amazing (as in so much!). I think if I told her "reasonable texting" is okay, that would still mean one text every 5 min was okay and reasonable :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think you will have anyone that young, but it crossed my mind.
Since it's only four hours a week, I'd tell the sitter that my first priority is that the kids are safe. Second, happy. We want it to be fun for all.
ReplyDeleteIf you're fussy about what they eat (I am not very) leave a specific snack/treat for them.
And then leave a special video or craft kit for them to work on, a game they like to play, as a suggestion if time is getting long.
As to the phone thing, just tell her straight: I had a sitter once upon a time who was constantly on the phone. I want you to be relating to the kids, so minimal cell phone and texting, okay? Only very brief important interactions. (That's appropriate for work in most circles.)
Please don't do the laundry. Put dishes in the sink. Pick up toys as needed.
Okay, that's the end of me. GOOD LUCK. I hope you find somebody awesome. love, Val
The nanny says:
ReplyDeleteIf you find a GOOD sitter, the rest should just fall into place. Where do you search? Don't underestimate websites that may seem a little creep-tastic (my current family and I found each other via care.com).
This may be a given, but ask for MANY references, and make sure that they are ALL child-care related. Get really specific while speaking with the references. Reliability, cell phone use, sitter-to-parent communication, etc. I once had a potential employer speak with one of my references over the phone for almost 2 hours.(totally got the job, btw ;)).
In the meantime, for your mediocre sitters...
Encourage (force) them to keep a "log." A play by play of the days activities. I started one with a family, simply to show them how awesome I was when feeling under appreciated, but it ended up being useful for ME personally. When my hours got bumped up to 50/week, things got a little stale. However, my nanny log kept me in check. I had to write down all of the super fun stuff we did, therefore, we HAD to do super fun stuff. Maybe that's exclusive to my personality, but I think it could help. At least you could write some fake entries to make it seem like you've done it for other sitters, as a way of subliminally giving them a little direction(?)
-H